Friday, December 31, 2021
Thursday, December 30, 2021
I lost 20 lbs spitting up blood, coughing up my lungs and expelling blood out my nose and ass as my wife harassed me and arranged for my DEATH.
NOBODY IS COMING TO FUCKING SAVE YOU...
I had my first real solid food today since I contracted the COVID virus, chicken with mango, but my tongue still does not taste food correctly and I am aching, confused, slow and still recovering after having COVID pneumonia for a month and having a family Doctor tell me to make funeral arrangements for myself.
The last words from my mother on her death bed were "Get the vaccine."
Apologies and assorted bullshit...
IN THE NAME OF FULL DISCLOSURE AND SHOCK NORTH KOREAN SAPPER AND Cafeteria TROOPS CROSSING INTO SOUTH KOREA OR ASSOCIATED BULLSHIT AND FLYING CONFETTI
ON DEATH, DYING, AND A MANIC DEPRESSIVE SWAN SONG (AN OPEN LETTER TO THE FUTURE)
I say this because I am sure there will be people who will say there is some global covert international Jewish conspiracy behind the COVID VIRUS and though I have seen and been with and in the mansions of weathy people sometimes, my apartment is probably the size of Melania Trump's shoe closet, not that I begrudge anyone especially Melania beautiful shoes as she is a stunning woman that ex President Trump perhaps should appreciate more and that is NONE of MY business. There are those who would say COVID is a US Military Industrial Covert Biological weapons consortium contracted through Chinese Genetic Research and Development to reduce the population of the Earth and bring about a nirvana for the business and polital 1% elites who are all now fornicating and sodomizing underage heroin addicts in an underground bunker in the Netherlands, but I have no proof of that and the mere thought of such a ridiculous thing got my computer hacked and I cannot even load the Neil Diamond song "Sweet Caroline" now as the computer is permanently crashed and I do not have the energy to bring it back from the dead. Some will say the Chinese created Covid and others North Korea. There will be a conspiracy theory about Vladimir Putin actually creating Covid and dissolving it in cat urine which was sprayed over North New Jersey creating zombies and bringing up legions of Hell which began holding babies hostage unless they were forwarded cases of Smirnoff Vodka and cigars.
Some say Israel created covid as a way to control the Middle East and others that Arab terrorists created Covid as a way to create a new caliphate of people shitting blood and spitting sputum which I was doing both truth be told, but have no proof of such conspiracies or covert evil plots to gain world power, domination, secret caches of cocaine and submarines with helipads and rooms filled with super models and ex porn stars though the ex porn star STORMY DANIELS is rumored to be called before Congress and testify as to her knowledge of such insidious evil and back channel fuckery. Personally my kind of woman is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or EMMA from the Australian television group the WIGGLES. Just sayin'.
I have led a very harsh life and been an arrogant asshole for most of it and I am sorry. I wanted to be a writer in College and now I was forced to give you what I got and decide what is appropriate and what crosses the line and feel pressure to divulge very personal biographical details about my life because I feel I am going to die soon regardless of my improvement in health. I am very angry that humanity has devolved to this level and the cruelty and callousness as well as greed of men. There used to be a UNITED NATIONS to solve world issues as a humanity based structure but all I hear is silence and the prospect of new obscene profits as people die in the streets and another variant arises worse than the worst horror movie you can imagine and we proceed to more rumors of war and god awful mega weapons from the US Military And Industrial Complex and the Russo Chinese dollar store consortium which seems to have gone from a sub standard slinky toy in the 1970s to being outsourced by US rich business magnates seeking to break unions, allowing China and Russia to seem to outclass America in scary weapons and ability to play geopolitical chess without chugging ENSURE meal replacement drink.
As you can see I am very manic right now which is a mental health condition I have had all my life and I am crying and fearful and horny for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez even though I am married and she is probably seeing someone as she is a beautiful and intelligent woman and that is a BIG turn on for me. To make a long story short, I am sad I will die and my son will not have a father and I will not be alive to protect my son who has Special Needs and in many ways he will be alone as they inter me in the ground across the highway next to the Woodbridge Mall in New Jersey and I will haunt that fucking place for all eternity pretending I have money and sleep in the HOT TOPIC at night next to the Food Court. Shame on you world leaders. How could you be so selfish and evil and dispicable. It is sad things have come so far and frankly I no longer want to ever associate with the human race but be reincarnated as a fucking purple South African Wolf Salamander for all eternity.
My abusive step father keeps calling and visiting me like he gives a shit after my mother died of Cancer recently and I was party to her being abused and beaten on the regular by him for over ten years so no, please don't come to my shitty sweat shoe box apartment or I may strangle your ass with one of Chuck Fuckin' Schumer's god damn shoe laces.
Forgive me for I am a bit manic and my last episode was 30 years ago though I am high flying at the moment and obsessing on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and my wife is gonna kick me in the balls when she reads this. Give me a moment to eat dinner and relax and when I come back I will reveal all SECRETS regarding the god damned CORONA virus and Rip Taylor's ability to spew confetti fifty feet at three fucking paces. I am so god damned disappointed I want to summon Charro, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rodgers and the ghost of Evil Keneivel to my beautiful funeral plot across from the Woodbride Mall. I can feel DEATH coming to summon me so cut me some fucking slack Vladimir Putin and General Secretary Of The Communist Party Xi Jinping. I know you are having egg rolls with US President JOE BIDEN and watching the film WEST SIDE STORY afterwards, but regardless, I will reveal this information in a few hours and the COVID HORROR should be over and there will be a world celebration as I finally get some fucking sleep, pleasure myself to the vision of the beautiful OAC AND DIE and go to HELL.
Everyone ok with that?
No, I am not going out of my mind. I AM OUT OF MY MIND. See what YOU fuckers did?
Sheesh!
FUN COVID FACT OF THE AFTERNOON - THE FLYING NUN
Yes, the world has gone insane.
Really.
COVID TIP OF THE DAY OR WHAT IS PROBABLY GOING TO KILL YOU AND IT IS NOT COVID (I am being serious again)
If you live in a small apartment what you are most likely getting is a dry heat that will take the moisture out of your lungs and skin and facilitate the nasty dried out COVID Cough that will roll out and tear your insides and end up choking you to DEATH. If you have a humidifier set it up and try to cultivate moisture in your living space and a moist skin cover. In an emergency, run the shower until the steam settles and hang out there until your cough dissipates and then open the door and let the residual steam enter your living quarters.
Repeat as necessary.
Really.
HAVING MY FIRST SOLID MEAL IN A MONTH - GRILLED CHICKEN IN MANGO SAUCE
Alas.
SURVIVING THE COVID APOCALYPSE... (This information is not endorsed by the CDC or fact checked but discovered through trial and error by a NJ SATANIST And Vampire) YOU must decide if you feel this is relevant to YOU.
FULL DISCLOSURE _ I have no political, religious, monetary or mercanary agenda here, I just want to try to help people with the information I found and possibly save lives as millions could die here. Consult experts and those you trust and make decisions that are right for YOU. While I joke around a lot, use profanity and off color situations and naughty stories to keep MY spirits up, COVID is no laughing matter as you will see if you contract the virus as I did through my child with a disability. I have had COVID pneumonia for about a month and am just coming out of the woods please disregard my jokes when you read this list as this is deadly serious and not a fantasy or rock video as I usually post about. In no particular order:
1. COVID is extremely dangerous and contagious. Get vaccinated if you trust authorities and listen to CDC advice as my wife was vaccinated and did NOT contract the VIRUS after being tested 4 times and I contracted the virus after being tested and was NOT vaccinated and come close to death's door. I have had COVID pneumonia for about a month which started first with exhaustion then bloody mucous and coughing leading to bleeding from my lungs and other areas. Consult CDC information on COVID pneumonia and related COVID complications.
2. Try to stay calm and focused and try not to panic or engage in conflicts with others as this can literally drain your energy and kill you.
3. Buy items to keep you hydrated and deal with congestion and the COVID death cough, do not worry so much about toilet paper and the latest XBOX release.
4. If you have a support network and an underground bunker that is great, if you don't, focus on the closest circle of friends and relatives that YOU love and get ready for a long siege.
5. If you get what I call the COVID death cough try not to panic and just ride it out but be aware that it will be exacerbated the harder you cough and you WILL NOT be able to breathe.
6. Consult your health care provider and CDC for information.
7. Be aware of the elements and the dryness of the air which can KILL YOU faster than COVID when your lungs sieze up and you start to cough.
8. Stay away from negative, toxic people that you cannot trust as you do not need to be undermined in a crisis.
9. Do NOT lose faith in humankind, your country, religion etc. though I personally always have doubts and try to tell stories on my BLOG which has been running for 8 years or so.
10 . Isolate this information from my BLOG which is fantasy and music etc. TO KEEP ME entertained and seek verification from the CDC, doctors etc. and be brave in this worldwide human crisis that requires ALL OF US be brave and once again show compassion and love for ALL of humankind so we can beat this, survive and thrive and learn to show empathy and respect again for ALL.
11. If you read the other submissions from my BLOG understand it is satire and humor that I find amusing and that keeps MY spirits up and energy level focused. I don't expect you to have my sense of humor to prescribe to my use of profanity, music etc. I do not intend to offend any particular relgion, social group or sexual orientation, country or political or economic system. THOSE ARE MY VIEWS IN MY PERSONAL BLOG.
12. I am doing this to show some love and express information I found helpful regarding COVID and you are encouraged to disregard what I write or investigate as you see fit as it relates to YOU. You may forward my information regarding these COVID tips which may be debunked or verified or found useful depending on your situation ONLY. I do not wish to panic anyone or cause hysteria, but this is MY VENUE and I express MY VIEWS here and you may do so on your BLOG or FACEBOOK etc. which I do not subscribe to.
13. Stay hydrated and informed.
14. Seek medical attenion and guidance. I refused help and almost died because I was stubborn.
15. Running a hot shower and sitting in the steam is a helpful tactic if you find yourself overcome by a COVID cough. Try to ride it out and relax as the rolling cough should pass when your lungs are again moist and you calm down.
16. Do not take drugs,alcohol or other substances that will cloud your judgment and affect your health. Stay nourished, keep taking fluids, and try not to overstress and miss sleep.
17. If you have a CPAP machine use it as a way to get oxygen.
18. Keep your home or shelter well ventilated and clean and do not seek chaos and panic, but listen to first responders, police, paramedics, firemen, security etc. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. SHOW RESPECT AND LOVE FOR ALL AND DO NOT DISRESPECT OTHERS, cause disagreements or make it more difficult for the REAL HEROES out there who are average people in your neighborhood that are putting their lives on the line and making sacrifices for YOU.
19. Bear in mind my BLOG is for entertainment purposes, but this list is meant to help people from MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE with COVID Pneumonia which you may investigate online or seek further advice on how to deal with this crisis as this list comes from my personal experience and you should seek out the advice of government officials, first responders, health authorities etc. and fact check claims I make here which are from my experience with COVID pneumonia and the rest of my BLOG is a venue for entertainment, music, and humor.
20. Try to stay calm and seek support from those you love and authorities that are working around the clock to help you as a member of the human race. DO NOT make things harder for these amazing heroes on the front line or undermine their efforts. As I said before, we are ALL in this together.
21. If you are of like mind with my conception of humor, satire, music etc. then enjoy my blog which has 8 years of material. Otherwise, disregard that and focus on this fact based list or disregard everything if you feel it is irrelevant to YOU and YOUR situation.
GOOD LUCK AND GODSPEED TO THE WARRIORS OF THE WORLD!
LORD VLAD SENDS GREETINGS FROM THE DRY HEAT DEATH SHOE BOX OR GOD HATES US ALL
Wednesday, December 29, 2021
POSTSCRIPT IN THE NAME OF FULL TRANSPARENCY AND FEAR FOR THE FUCKING FUTURE
I pulled a normal booger from my nose this morning which is indicative of victory, but unfortunately it was followed by a rolling, hacking cough and inability to breathe and by blowing my nose and seeing more blood boogers so I am not out of the woods yet and can die from COVID at any time. FUCK COVID.
Alas.
Tuesday, December 28, 2021
On the manic exhaustion and endorphin filled fantasy VHS Caballero video with Stormy Daniels and Christy Canyon and leaping the fucking astral plane to see THE ONE TRUE GOD TO HAVE A SHORT CHIT CHAT
THE END
UNLOADING THE REST OF MY CHEWY DARK TOXIC KARMA AND BULLSHIT IN CASE I DIE TONIGHT...
FULL DISCLOSURE, ASSORTED COVID BULL SHIT, PARANORMAL MIND FUCKS AND MEETING DEATH LAST NIGHT IN MY DINING ROOM AMONG FUCKING OTHER THINGS...
I was so exhausted yesterday that I resigned myself to Death by 10 o'clock and figured DEATH would arive some time between 10 pm and 12 midnight. I figured I do not want to die like a little bitch so I wet myself down and put on an outback hat, took off my shirt and rubbed Vapo all over my chest and inhaled some steam heat. Then I went to the living room and tried to listen to some relaxing music on my headphones. I figured maybe I could try to wrestle DEATH before he takes me to HELL. What is he going to do? Kill me? I looked up and there he was, DEATH incarnate and I blurted out, "What a fucking life as I was thoroughly disgusted and could not believe I was finally going to die. I sat there and tried to figure out where the illusion was, but could not find how the shadow was cast on the wall or why it just stayed there motionless. Finally I said, "DEATH talk to me!" And the fucking thing disappeared. I looked like a sweaty, gay Australian cowboy revue backup dancer and DEATH probably thought I don't fucking need this shit and left..."
Morning brought pitched battles with my wife who would not give me space though I explained the situation multiple times and a visit from my abusive Step father pretending to be concerned. I advised him that I had COVID pneumonia for over three weeks and was dying and he should leave and I never saw him run away so fast which was priceless as I grew up watching him beat and abuse my now dead mother for over 10 years.
Alas.
IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN
I got a mysterious phone call a week after I signed my name in blood in service to the DARK LORD. Someone called me on the weekend interrupting my viewing of the 50 Foot Woman on CHILLER THEATRE channel 11.
The caller said with goosebump inducing wicked intonation, "Is Dick Hertz there?" Then he hung up the phone leaving me perplexed and feeling bamboozled.
To this day I do not know who called me or who's Dick Hertz, but I think it was either Satan or a lesser demon jerking my chain.
Alas.
UPDATES, MORE APOLOGIES FOR FUCK YOU'S IN MY BLOG AND OTHER ASSOCIATED BULLSHIT
FUCK COVID! I mean it.
Sunday, December 26, 2021
Body Temperature 98.3 / Pulse Oximeter 98
Fuck you COVID. Huzzah for heroic female and African American health professionals saving the day and my sorry ass.
This is for you and cookies should arrive tomorrow. I would also like to thank my Lesbian wife (shhhh!) who kicked my ass and forced me to get care instead of dying on the couch which was my backup plan. My wife got the vaccine twice and got tested negative four times while my stupid ass tested positive and I went through a fucking ordeal. Alas. House party all night long tonight yo. Really.
Ok. I'm going to shut down... Really.
This dry heat is choking me out, making me cough up my lungs and lose my mind...
THE INSANE RANTINGS OF A FUCKING MAD MAN or WHY YOU SHOULD NOT TRY TO REVERSE MIND FUCK A FUCKING LESBIAN...
NEWS FLASH
The Defenders of the Patriarchy under Commandante LORD VLAD VAMPIRELORD were soundly defeated in battle last night by the SUSAN B. ANTHONY LESBO Commando Brigade in fierce tactical fighting and pitched battles. I fought with my wife all last night as I coughed up blood and pleaded with her to give me some fucking space to breath, be alone, and relax. I live in an apartment that is smaller than most people's bath rooms and we are all cooped up, isolated, nasty and fighting the dry steam heat that is choking the life out of me.
My wife and I are very different people. She loves LAW AND ORDER and that murder mystery bullshit and I love a good Romantic comedy, action and horror. I love nature, women, plants and the paranormal. My wife loves Macy's and buying shit which we cannot afford since we are poor, but at least WE have some love in the midst of all this chaos, murder and plague.
APOLOGIES, RANTS and ASSOCIATED MANIC BULLSHIT>
I am sorry YOKO ONO for saying fuck you to you in my blog last night as I know in my heart you are a caring, loving woman who had a soul mate relationship with JOHN LENNON and did NOT break up the BEATLES as it was that prick Paul McCartney and Ringo who put the cabash on things. Paul McCartney, I love you, but you bettercheck yourself calling the ROLLING STONES a hack band and laying bullshit on the beautiful YOKO ONO. Please for the sake of world peace get back with RINGO and YOKO and record something before we are ALL dead.
Justin Bieber I am sorry for saying fuck you to you in my Blog as I was very scared of dying last night and leaving my son with Special Needs without a father. I told my wife she sounded like a chicken and that my voice was like a song bird compared to hers. I fucked up telling my wife the secret about my dinner date with a wealthy college nympho dentist wannabe when I was in my twenties and paid for it as I was reverse mind fucked, harried and ghosted all night long as I hacked up blood and pleaded with her to give me some fucking space so I could calm down and collect myself before I fucking died of COVID in this fucking shoe box apartment as she ghosted me and threatened to call back the swarthy paramedic females and cops to take me to the hospital where I would probably be on a fucking ice slab now. I got about four hours of sleep despite being afraid to jack off and find my dick does not work and flying monkeys come bursting out of my balls alien style, but that did not happen and I released and eventually fell asleep once I stopped being manic and spraying a bottle of cold water to mosten the air so I could breath.
President "sleepy" Joe Biden, VP Morgana La Fey, and the rest of the world can still go fuck themselves as I am angry and scared I will still die in the pathetic, useless world which has caused me mostly pain and misery. Shout out again to JUSTIN BIEBER and LUDICROUS for that gem of a song BABY, BABY, BABY OH which will stand the test of all time despite the naysayers.
ABOVE MY PAY GRADE
Leaders of the world and all religions need to stop killing each other and show some fucking compassion and love for a change instead of murdering innocent women and children and even men and laying waste to the Earth. I am so fucking weak and disgusted and close to giving in so instead of being corrupt, amassing ridiculous wealth and having a god damned mega yacht with a helipad, cocaine stash, gold encrusted toilet and porn star hookers try saving the world you god damned cock suckers.
I am sorry for this rant as it is above my pay grade and I am over the top manic now and will shut down my computer for the rest of the day to try to relax. Shout out to AOC and the squad. Cardie B., William Shatner, Yoko Ono and Lesbians. Everyone else can go fuck themselves. Just sayin.
Saturday, December 25, 2021
I gotta wrap this up...
My life is meaningless in the big picture. Millions of people will die in this man made plague and if you are reading this YOU may even die before me as I am a tough motherfucker who has seen nasty shit before. However, I don't know how much more blood I can lose before my haunting spree will begin and I will be ghost kicking Biden, The Chinese Premier and Justin Bieber in the balls.
Hero
The world is NOT just composed of evil bastards and mother fuckers. There are REAL HEROES out there in fucking hazmat suits trying to save COVID patients like me and even showing true hatred for the unvaccinated like me when this fucking plague was started in a god damned BIOWEAPONs Lab in CHINA funded with US cash so that Chinese scientists in pajamas could go in a remote cave get a rare virus from bat shit and then combine it with a fucking armored prehistoric animal called a pangolin and create the first virus that has prongs to attach to human cells. Then those fuckers mixed it with bird flu and probably AIDS and THIS is how I am going to fucking die? I better live because if I die tonite I will be haunting fucking BIDEN and that porn star whore Trump fucked for shits and giggles. I am going to be busy haunting and carrying on in the afterlife, but it is a shame I will be wasting my time instead of achieving the next Karmic level on the astral plane.
Alas.