REVISITING ONE OF MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES

At age 17, I fell into a deep depression and a darkness that forced me to sleep all day and night amid traumatic life situations. My family tried to break me out of the depression by throwing my personal items in the garbage, telling me to "snap out of it" and even telling jokes to change my mood. Eventually, my Mother said she wished I would just kill myself as her energy was spent. So I decided that there was no more hope and swallowed three full bottles of major tranquilizers, essentually a month's supply in one sitting. I must have started taking the pills late in the evening or very early in the morning as that was a lot of pills to consume. I planned to say goodbye to my Mother in the morning, but when I hugged her I could not deal with the loss I believed I would be unleashing by my actions and told her what I had done. My Mother was going to rush me to the hospital, but I refused as I had heard stories from people who had overdosed of how they made them swallow charcoal and pumped their stomachs before a lengthy stay in the psychiatric ward. I was not interested in that so I suggested vomitting the pills by swallowing epsom salts. What I did not realize is that I had been absorbing these pills for hours and when I did throw up, mostly a granular liquid came out. I thought I had resolved things successfully, but I do not think I did so. I fell asleep and had a very vivid dream which I assumed was just a dream, but now believe was a near death experience. I had a rush of this unbelievable love emotion and then began asking questions about my future like will I have passionate love, will I get married, will I have a child etc. The last question I asked was "Will I ever be happy?" I woke up with tears flowing from my eyes not from sorrow, but joy from the amazing emotion from where I had been. All the questions I asked were answered in the affirmative and all except one has come to be. It is only now that I realize the magnitude of this experience as previously I had thought it a dream and tried to put everything behind me and block it out. Apparently, my later years will be long lived and filled with love and hapiness though the vision of it in my head does not seem to make much sense. But the answers I received in the "dream" were all like brief scenes in a movie and being so, the whole picture was not apparent. Time will tell.