Monday, February 28, 2022
DEEP THOUGHTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
Embrace the crazy bullshit in your life because IT WILL embrace you.
PSYCH WARD SHENANIGANS
When I entered the psychiatric hospital I was like 9 or 10 nights with no sleep and I continued my pattern of not sleeping because I was psychotic, my room was super hot and the radiator was spewing steam heat so I could not breathe and I believed I was actually DEAD and in HELL and I thought that if I was really dead why this charade of sleeping? I eventually warmed to the idea of being dead when a young lady at the hospital started hugging me and pressing her boobs to my chest, but that was short lived and on thin ice and I knew it was all over when this guy that looked like JESUS entered the hospital. I knew this woman that was hugging me would fall for this dude even though I had the most facial hair I had ever had and looked sort of like a middle aged Moses. I used to walk the halls of the hospital ALL night and soon JESUS joined me. I noticed that JESUS would stop his walk after some time and drop to do ten pushups and so I did the same and suprisingly POST COVID I was easily able to do ten push ups. They say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Yes, but losing the woman that gave me hugs to JESUS was still a kick in the proverbial if not biblical balls.
ABOUT PSYCH WARD SHENANIGANS
I don't write about PSYCH WARD SHENANIGANS because it was fun being in the psych ward, because it wasn't. I do not mean to trivialize mental illness because like any life threatening illness it is deadly serious. I did not go to the psych ward because I needed a change of pace but because I was dying of COVID and made a conscious decision to take the COVID meds and not focus on my medication for bipolar disorder which I was having trouble taking in addition to the COVID meds and suffering from the effects of COVID on my digestive system and ability to taste things normally. That being said, getting COVID and having a mental health relapse after 30 years without an episode presented social experiences that I had not had in some time since I had isolated myself for over two years because of COVID and other reasons. So if I bring up experiences from the psych ward it is partly because in the hospital I was among a group of people of various ages who ALL had one thing in common with me, they were out of their fucking minds. I am sure eventually I will be done with all these mad anecdotes about being institutionalized, but until I get laid in vigorous fashion or win the lottery it is the best I got. Alas.
Sunday, February 27, 2022
CONTINUITY OF GOVERNMENT
So I am talking to LADY MORGANA today and after getting pissed off AGAIN about my beautiful plants she trashed and how she made my fish tank a muck swamp after promising to have it cleaned and maintained by a professional which I am still repairing, she mentions once more that after I die she is going to TRASH my fucking PORN collection which is like 300 lbs of old school porn on VHS and DVD. Is there such a thing as a porn legacy or is this stuff destined to go in the TRASH if I die first which I don't plan on doing. Anyone want all this PORN if I die? Just wondering. Hate to see all that CHRISTY CANYON go in a dumpster. Alas.
PSYCH WARD SHENANIGANS PART DEUX
A young lady entered the ward and I was struck by her red hair and soft spoken manner. I soon learned she was Muslim and she would kneel while talking on the phone and I would bring her a blanket for her knees. I decided I was going to talk to her which I would not normally do, but since I was manic I was Mr. Social and of high libido. So I asked her if we could talk in a purely Platonic way and we did and I said I was Jewish just to be transparent and we had a little chat and laughed and parted ways. The next time we spoke she asked me if it was ok that she had prayed that really bad things happen to me and I said yes as if all the people that prayed that other people suffer got their wish there would be a lot more people praying.
PSYCH WARD SHENANIGANS
A new woman entered the ward and she had a distinct accent that I thought I knew. She was very upset that nobody would care for her cats and the guy that would was just interested in her cats and not her. She said she had no friends and nobody cared about her. I walked up to her and told her I too had no friends and nobody cared about me. So we took a walk and talked and it was the first of many walks where we talked. As time went on she became familiar with the ward and the people and when she said she had no friends and nobody cared I reminded her that in the psych ward she got both friends and people that cared for her just as she wished which she could not refute. What I did not tell her is this "party" was going to end soon when her insurance refused to pay and she would come home to dead cats and probably be thrown out on the street homeless. It is better to live in the moment.
DEEP THOUGHTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
The time for yesterday's battles was yesterday. Today you should fight today's battles.
Saturday, February 26, 2022
THE HAPPY CORNER
A while back I bought my child an old school electric race track set. I did not only buy it for my child because I remembered when I was a kid and had an electric race track and how I was always frustrated when the car skidded off the raceway and I ended up angry and took the thing apart. I scanned the internet and found an electric race track and when I showed it to my child there was only joy at the prospect of setting it up. The only issue is when I saw all the unlabelled pieces and the directions that were pure confusion I put everything back in the box. From time to time my child would tap the box and I would say, "Soon." Well, soon was a long time coming. Since the child care person was over the past week I figured I would put the set together and it was a complete disaster, however, I made it a focus of the next day to put that set together and by golly I did just that taking my time and following the diagram step by step. My child was thrilled and I put my finger in back of the accelerator so when my child pulled back it did not send the car careening off the track (most times). It was good fun and I enjoyed it as well. Sometimes, you need to focus on the little things to make you happy. Alas. 
THE WORLD, YOUR WORLD AND ESCAPE
The world outside can be a scary place, there is war, starvation, inflation, bitcoin and anal seepage. You sympathize with THE WORLD knowing everyone's death diminishes you, but YOU are concerned with YOUR WORLD. YOUR WORLD may be one of wealth or poverty, happiness or misery. There may be loneliness or many friends and social occassions in YOUR WORLD and that is what you are usually concerned with when you are not focused on the microcosm of your world which is your home. Is it a mess or your refuge? Is your home a castle or a site you run from and from which you seek escape? Sometimes, one feels they need to seek escape perhaps with another person to fantasize and explore in a private venue their deepest most dark desires. And other times a person just watches porn and calls it an evening.
Friday, February 25, 2022
The Latest From the Russian / Ukraine War that I can ascertain from the online news...
It appears the Russians are overunning the Ukraine when they are not getting their fighter jets, attack helicopters, and tanks dstroyed by an army that did not even mobilize or deploy with over 100,000 Russian troops having military exercises on their border. Civilians are getting murdered and the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant that almost destroyed the world once is now occupied by Russian troops and emitting higher levels of radiation. I saw a headline that a Russian official is threatening to drop the International Space Station on either Europe or the United States and European nations are getting troop reinforcements from NATO in fears RUSSIA will attempt to restore the old SOVIET UNION just like in the 1980s. President Biden is contemplating a cyber attack when he can be awakened from his afternoon nappie. So the world is seriously fucked up and there is even talk of nuclear war if lines are crossed. Otherwise, everything is ok.
MY WORLD
My world may not be perfect in fact it is very imperfect and fraught with danger it seems. There are things I would like to change in my world and other things that perhaps I would want more of, but right now I have only my world to deal with and it is uniquely mine and I am used to navigating it the best I can. I don't take to other worlds so easily and do not fit in "communities" well. I have to be me because I cannot be anybody else and you either like that or you don't. So there.
WHENEVER A WORLD LEADER IS NOT APPROVED BY THE US THAT PERSON IS IMMEDIATELY REFERRED TO AS MAD OR INSANE INFERRING THEY HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS AND ARE NOT COMPETENT OR ERRATIC AND DANGEROUS...
I take offense to that as it is proven that the mentally ill are no more violent than the general population so if we are going to play that game substitute CANCER PATIENT, DRUG ABUSER OR HEART ATTACK SURVIVOR to describe those politically undesirable. It is only fair.
Thursday, February 24, 2022
RACISM AND NAZISM
From a young age I realized that there were people that wanted to kill me because of my Jewish heritage. If I did not give someone candy I was a cheap Jew. I once visited a school playground and the graffiti said "Jews burn." My stepfather was not Jewish and he enjoyed World War II documentaries about the Nazis and there always seemed some sort of execution, Hitler speech or death camp segment on our television when it was working and not flashing pink with wavy lines. Sometimes my stepfather would give the heil Hitler salute in my face which he thought was the height of fucking funny. My stepfather did not talk much but when he did the conversation always devolved into talk of some World War II Nazi battle which made absolutely no fucking sense. My stepfather could go from mashed potatoes to the Nuremburg Trials in ten seconds flat and people would just have a shocked stare at the psychotic dumbfuckery that came with dinner. When I was 12 the temple that gave me religious instruction set up a room to show pictures of the Holocaust. They took the class to the basement and the walls were covered with Nazi soldiers abusing old women and children. There were pictures of dead bodies in pits after people had been machine gunned by the Nazis and there was a picture of this young woman from a concentration camp naked in a bath who was just skin and bones after being worked and nearly starved to death. And she was smiling for the camera because I guess that is what she thought she should do when getting a picture taken, but it was perverse because she looked like she would die any moment. I was so disgusted and shocked while being fixated by the atrocity pictures that I did not realize the class had left and I was alone in the room. I was so traumatized that when my mother came to drive me home from the temple I broke down crying. That did not stop my stepfather from enjoying his Nazi documentaries. When My mother was dying he took a moment to exit the room and enjoy a Nazi history on television as my mother lay alone in bed in a dark room waiting to die. My step father loved those Nazi histories and probably still does for all I know. Really. 
THE WORLD
Is a barren desert, a constrictor whose grasp narrows as people drop off and fade away. So many mirages in the distance that mock and disappear some times I lose focus in the fray and just want to pass into the night in a deep sleep. I don't understand the game any more and despise the players that remain. I can laugh or cry or simply be silent and numb. There is music in despair and in misery there is a rhythm, but I cannot make it rhyme just feel the sting of melancholy. It is sad to be alone in a dream of death, but even such dreams die eventually. I will rest for now in the arms of sadness. And wish for a better day.
I THINK PUTIN IS TRYING TO SEND SOMEONE A MESSAGE...
Western Intelligence is trying to decrypt the code.
Sex, Crazy Sex And Just Celibacy With The Porn Option For Apartment Dwellers And Those In Occupied Homes During The COVID Pandemic
Sex is great in my opinion and ice cream is not better, ever. Great sex is even sweeter. Unfortunately, society looks at sex as a nuisance, a taboo, or some sort of criminal enterprise when it should be everyone's right to cum in a woman's eye or orgasm in screaming ecstasy. However, if one wishes to keep the peace and live in an apartment you have to either have no sex or what I call death ballet or mime sex as any obnoxious noise will be met by violent bangs on the wall from your neighbor, vacuum cleaning at 3 am, or someone drilling a hole in your wall and installing a camera to catch some of the action. This is NOT a healthy way to live but it IS the American way if you are not an internet millionaire and fucking on champagne yachts with cocaine or ejaculating into high rise infinity pools as you bang your sex partner for the moment. Hotel or motel sex allows more freedom and ability to be freaky, but you still have assholes who will harass you for having noisy sex, like disgruntled truckers who cannot sleep or the high school chess team in the suite next door. Excuse me for power fucking on Valentine's day. There are always hazards to binge crazed fucking as you never know if your partner is fucking other people, how many, or what their disease status is and if they are using protection. You find out eventually that TRUTH is a whore just like the person you are fucking and that can be good or bad depending on your attitude. With COVID, sex and interpersonal relations take on an even deadlier take regeardless if your sex is conventional or out of bounds kink laden and people are frustrated, bottled up, and ready to blow in more ways than one as porn and e-sex just can't hold a candle to the real thing. Some people are rolling the dice and having sex in their cars with the A/C on and the windows open while holding their breath and others are blowing their load defying death and COVID just because they are already on heroin and don't give a flying fuck. Some have taken to the forest for open air sex, but that is a real bitch when your face gets posted on the tabloid with a trail camera picture of your scrotum and asshole. With drones and security cameras there are really less and less places to hide even if you had someone to have sex with and the opportunity and willingness of that person. It is sad and you could get depressed about the state of life and interpersonal relations if you just didn't nearly die from COVID and coughing up twenty pounds in blood and phlegm. There should be some jubilation in that and jacking off to porn when you could be six feet under ground. And every day lends itself to new promise and sensations and you never know when some sex crazed, busty fat ass will make your day and rock your world. Just wear a gas mask and use a condom. Really. 
Wednesday, February 23, 2022
I AM OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND...
I just hooked up a VCR to a computer monitor behind my chair where I surf the internet and popped in a tape so I can watch GLADIATOR any time I want just by swiveling my chair around. Who does that? Really.
ON THE GOOD NEWS FRONT...
Just bought a light up keyboard and glowing mouse that changes colors plus a new set of head phones. I am as happy as a pig in shit right now. Really.
I AM NOT BUYING THIS COVID THING BEING OVER
I am still hearing of people getting COVID and soon everybody will have no restraint and no plan to contain the virus and don't tell me this thing just went away. High status people are still getting COVID that should have some plan on staying out of harm's way which is not encouraging. Hand sanitizer is on clearance at the stores, but that is only gonna get you so far. The schools are breeding grounds for this stuff. And businesses are making people use their sick time for COVID so you are going to have people coming to work with COVID and spreading it to everyone to avoid losing pay. I know everyone is disgusted with the masks and not being able to go to orgies and fuck anons, but when you are DEAD all that really does not matter. Hate to be a downer. Just sayin'.
DEEP THOUGHTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
Sex should never be used as a weapon. Sex should be the end itself not a means to an end. If you are using sex to get something else, you probably are not getting all you could out of sex.
ONE TIME I ALMOST DIED...
When I was 18 I was hanging out with some friends and I noticed a dull, aching pain in my lower right side and it never went away. When I was home I checked in some old Encyclopedias we had under appendicitis and sure enough I had just about ALL the symptoms and it was decided I would make a visit to the hospital the next day. After a checkup and blood test the Doctors determined I did have appendicitis and I would have to wait for a hospital bed as they were full. I waited all day until I finally got a bed next to a rich kid whose mother stood by his side doting on him while I was told they did NOT have an open operating room and I would have to WAIT for the operation. Things were going along swimmingly until my appendix burst and I let out a string of curse words and when I was done and had shocked the upper class people in my room I determined to run into an operating room and cut the dang thing out myself, but the pain was so intense I could not move. The Doctors suddenly found an operating room, but when I awoke from the procedure I had a three inch scar on my side and some ziti pasta sticking out. Then the nurse is trying to get me out of bed and walking around post haste like nothing fucking happened. I think they treat cattle to the slaughter better than someone in the fucking hospital, but I lived to tell the tale and a friend dropped by and left a hard core porn magazine so it wasn't all bad.
PSYCH WARD SHENANIGANS
After I barricaded myself in my room and was beaten and choked plus given a hit of Thorazine I was carried to the quiet room and put in a restraint chair by four or five staff. One guy stepped in front of me and said you can't keep telling the workers here FUCK YOU to which I responded in kind, FUCK YOU and the technicians there promptly shot me up with four hits of Thorazine until I was unconscious.
Tuesday, February 22, 2022
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