Thursday, November 30, 2023
Wednesday, November 29, 2023
Tuesday, November 28, 2023
BAD NEWS
I follow the news thinking it will make me informed, but usually I feel the news is misinformation and advertising. Yesterday, Rob Reiner said that he had solved the conspiracy regarding the JFK assassination and the news anchor responded by asking him his favorite bagel shop in NYC. Recently I read a story about a woman that was on a bus that crashed and it threw her on some train tracks where the train cut her in half. Then there was the 10 year old girl that went swimming in a pool on vacation and caught the brain eating amoeba and died. Even the most mundane things entail deadly risks. Like saying you solved the JFK assassination conspiracy perhaps.
I GOT VISITED BY THE SPIRIT OF MY MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER LAST NIGHT
In the dream I remembered the teacher's name. I remember few teacher's names from that time. I was 14 years old. I also remembered some incidents with that teacher and the class. I am guessing this visit has something to do with a message that a betrayal is coming, but I can only guess. Very strange dream.
Monday, November 27, 2023
RECURRING THEMES IN MY LIFE
There are secrets I have kept continually all my life. Some secrets I still keep to protect others, but sometimes opening up about secrets can free you from their weight and shame. Other secrets may be too humiliating or personal to reveal. If someone tells me something in confidence, I try to keep that secret while other people treat your personal secrets as weapons or fodder for gossip. Secrets are a double edged sword.
Sunday, November 26, 2023
Saturday, November 25, 2023
NO MORE FUCKING TOXIC TURKEY FOR ME
This is the second year that Thanksgiving turned toxic for me. I must have gotten food poisoning. So no more turkey for me. Ever. Really.
Friday, November 24, 2023
Thursday, November 23, 2023
Wednesday, November 22, 2023
Tuesday, November 21, 2023
Monday, November 20, 2023
Sunday, November 19, 2023
Saturday, November 18, 2023
Dark Memories Of Yesterday
I wish I could cry
But restless tears won't come
Only dark memories of yesterday
A lullaby without sleep
Thinking of what has gone
Still holding you in my arms
Mourning what could never be
I pray for rain
And redemption.
Friday, November 17, 2023
DYING IN THE HOSPITAL AND STUFF
It has been almost two years and I still cannot get being strangled to death in the hospital off of my mind. I wonder how they got me breathing and my heart beating again. I just remember them talking to me and calling out vital sign numbers. I recall not being able to breathe and my heart stopping. Then darkness. Not like when I was dying at home.
Trauma is a tricky wicket. Very few people will appreciate your misery. They do not want to take on your pain. Once and a while you will find someone that is blown away by your experience. Others either pretend to be concerned or just discount your tragedy as a lie or overreaction. But I did die in the hospital and all I remember about it is the darkness.
And then you must get your life back if you can because everybody else has moved on.
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