Some things I find very difficult writing about because I have never discussed them before openly and I have kept secrets bottled up inside for many years from different stages in my life.

Some might say, "Why do you still have shame or hurt from something in your childhood?" And the answer that I have is that I consider certain events extremely shameful and hurtful and though the event happened in my childhood or later in my life I still feel the emotional damage from that time. I guess you either empathize from your own personal experience or you cannot relate. Either way, I am going to unload this bullshit and not be burdened by it any longer.

When I was in grammar school, they made us learn the multiplication tables by memory. I understand now they just give you an electronic calculator, but not then. My mother had just come home after working a full day and I asked her to quiz me on the multiplication tables. After awhile I got tired and fatigued and started getting the answers wrong and laughing. My mother got angry and started slapping my face hard with each answer I got wrong and after like three slaps I could see my mother enjoying slapping me hard on the face and knew I BETTER start getting the answers right. I never forgot her slapping me like that. And I never forgot my multiplication tables.