Tuesday, July 14, 2026
NOW That's What I Call Music! 1986
1986 was one of the WORST years in my life. But it was a great year for music.
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S BULLSHIT POLICE BLOTTER: 2 OFFENSES
There was one incident of banana stacking involving a loaf of bread and an incident of placing chocolate cookies in the no go ant zone.
There was also an incident of a dead mouse at the front door which may or may not be from dropped food or possibly from the poison bate I planted.
Monday, July 13, 2026
LIFE IN HELL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
I've had this conversation with LADY MORGANA before about not feeding our resident mouse and she smiles and nods and today I find a box of pretzels like 6 inches from the floor which is easy peasy for a mouse to jump into and I just want to punch a fucking wall. I am not going to punch a wall, but life in HELL makes you feel that way sometimes.
DEEP THOUGHTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
When I am so sick I feel like I am going to die, I no longer care about SEX. I just want to be healthy and survive and I start getting religious and making deals with God to let me live not be ill. And once I am no longer sick and feeling fine I start thinking once again about beautiful WOMEN and FUCKING again.
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S VOCABULARY LESSON: NO SEXY BACK
You assume that by attending a social function, paying for the laundry to get done, buying two dresses for her and hauling in groceries that there will be some positive sexual dividend.
Na-ah. That is only if you are NOT married.
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S VOCABULARY LESSON: DVD ARMAGEDDON
When your DVD Tower is callously knocked over and put back in sloppy fashion by somebody that should know better.
VOCABULARY LESSON WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD: THRICE
When you are talking to somebody and you have to repeat the same thing three (3) times before they hear and understand what you are saying.
Sunday, July 12, 2026
Saturday, July 11, 2026
Friday, July 10, 2026
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S BULLSHIT POLICE BLOTTER
As of approximately a month ago, there were three (3) identical television remotes in this domicile. Then suddenly, two (2) disappeared. This could be a paranormal event or a doobybobo manifestation, either way, I am about to start shitting blood.
BONNIE TYLER
I always get a little emotional when a great artist dies even though they don't really die as their art lives on, but sometimes I feel the loss deeply for example when Kurt Cobain passed or Freddie Mercury died. You can take such tragedy personally not like some who use the death as click bait, but as a hurt to the soul. I was actually grief stricken and brought to tears by the passing of someone who I did not know, only through music and video.
BONNIE TYLER was a true individual, excellent musical artist, electric performer and a beautiful woman inside and out. I will miss what new material she could have created, but I will always enjoy her gift that the world truly loved. She will live on without a doubt. She was that good.
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S BULLSHIT POLICE
I was out driving this morning and I see five cop cars pulled over so you know they were dealing with some kind of legit bullshit. That was after I saw an infraction after I awoke of banana stacking which is a bunch of bananas with a container of pound cake stacked on top. Who tha fuck does that? LADY MORGANA of course! I got to be the fucking banana police. Anybody knows bananas are soft and if you pile shit on top of them they get mushy and rot. There should be some penalty for an obvious penal code violation, but at this point, I am at a loss. I have explained the physics of banana stacking to LADY MORGANA, but she will accept no personal responsibility or see the wrong in doing such obvious bullshit.
Bullshit never bothered me in the past like this, but recently I offer no quarter for frustrating infractions.
Really.
Thursday, July 9, 2026
DEEP THOUGHTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
The world is populated with jerk offs, jack asses and motherfuckers. Any questions?
VOCABULARY LESSON WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD: CATASTROPHIC CLOSET CONUNDRUM
I don't expect everything to be perfect, but I would like some order, control and less clutter before I die. And LADY MORGANA is not helping things by opening the closet then leaving it ajar just for shits and giggles after we touched on this subject before.
It is a frustrating SNAFU that appears to be self perpetuating.
MORNING RUMINATIONS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
I tend to concentrate on many negative things in this blog and it behooves me at times to let some light in and focus on the positive in this damned existence. So I will.
Regardless of the murderous devastating wars and the evil of men there is one bright shining light still left in life. And that is FREE BOOBAGE on the INTERNET. I remember when to see some nice boobs you had to pay for a magazine, get CABLE TV or rent a video, but today, along with your INTERNET CONNECTION you get FREE BOOBAGE and PORN of varied themes and it is just a paradise of the flesh that makes life worth living if you are not getting killed by hypersonic missiles or slow moving computer targeted drone bombs.
Just yesterday, I heard Emily R. was writing a book about all the guys she banged since she got divorced and she is getting a million dollar up front bonus to boot for her slutty rampage so I decided I would check out her wonderous boobs and low and behold there were photos of her lovely rack before me in literally seconds. And what beautiful breasts she has. What a joy to behold. Made my day. Life is grand when you can just see some boobs.
Wednesday, July 8, 2026
WTF FILES
I decided today to read the online news. I read a story about a man that cut off his penis then dipped his severed penis in gasoline and used it to burn down his mother's house.
Surely there are better things you can do with your penis these days.
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