Monday, May 18, 2026
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S TRUE DAVID LEE ROTH STORY
Back in the day, I saw DAVID LEE ROTH's first solo tour at the MEADOWLANDS STADIUM in New Jersey. I was amped up for the concert which featured the showmanship of DLR flying at the top of the stadium on a surfboard among other things. At one point, ROTH was smuggled in a box in front of the sound board where our seats were and when he popped out we suddenly had front row seats to the show!
I was blown away.
It is hard to get footage of these classic concerts because taking pictures and video of the concert were prohibited and you could get expelled from the venue and even arrested for copyright infringement for recording the concert.
Nevertheless, some outlaws preserved footage if they did not pay the price for wanting a souvenir of their concert experience.
Sunday, May 17, 2026
REAL SUICIDAL TENDENCIES STORY
When I was in high school, I went from a place where I had a lot of self esteem and self worth to a very low place quickly. I did attempt suicide at one point because I thought there was no hope for the future and to continue on was pointless, but I reconsidered at the last moment. It is a miracle I am alive after what I did.
After I lost most of my friends, I tried to keep a low profile. There was a gay guy in my class that did the opposite. In a time when most gay people were in the closet he decided to be openly gay though it was obvious from his affect that he was effeminate if not gay. Being openly gay in the 1980s meant you were probably ostracized by straight people and often beaten just for being yourself and having a sexual preference that was not considered the norm. Even the teacher tried to dissuade this guy from writing about being gay in essays and being out, but this young gay man was ahead of his time, BRAVE and FEARLESS.
I struck up a conversation with him once and we talked about music and he said his favorite band was SUICIDAL TENDENCIES. So that was how I got into their music. I figured such a strong willed person must know good music and it turns out he did.
I HAVE TO TAKE IT EASY ON LADY MORGANA TODAY...
LADY MORGANA took great offense at the refrigerator joke and afterwards deleted posts from my blogger account. To take insult from injury, my clothes started disappearing.
Sometimes it is best to tread lightly. Especially when you can no longer find underwear.
Saturday, May 16, 2026
THE FIRST VAMPIRE RULE IS DON'T MESS WITH MY SHIT
I just so happened to go to the bathroom and LADYMORGANA took it upon herself to delete some of my funniest posts (in my opinion).
So I will have to look for poison in my meatloaf from now on.
Here is what ELMO has to say about this bullshit.
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S MARRIAGE MATH PART DEUX
I offered LADY MORGANA an OPEN MARRIAGE and she agreed.
She thought an OPEN MARRIAGE was where you could leave the refrigerator OPEN.
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S MARRIAGE MATH
I have 50 polo shirts, but I can only find 4. Where did the other 46 shirts go?
Friday, May 15, 2026
MORE TALES FROM THE RICH KIDS SUMMER CAMP
We were waiting for our counselor to appear and singing "Ring My Bell" by Anita Ward to kill the time when we saw a tall, skinny kid with blond hair appear with a sneer on his face.
He had us gather round and stated that the only good music was music from the SEX PISTOLS and anyone that listened to ANITA WARD and sang "Ring My Bell" was a big pussy. Our counselor said that he was not going to have a set schedule of events like the management of the camp wanted, but would do as we wished and if we did not have a request for things to do then we could just do nothing.
We sat a day or two in the hot sun before we unanimously agreed we wanted sex education. Our counselor complied and said he would bring one of the female counselors around the next day to teach us about sex. To our surprise, the next day a female counselor showed up and laid on the grass fully clothed with her legs spread and our counselor said anyone in our group could have sex with her.
We all sat there paralyzed with fear as lustful visions filled our heads as she lay there for about ten minutes then got up and left with no takers.
"You are all a bunch of big ass pussies." He concluded as he had himself a good laugh at our expense and shot us nasty looks as we sat in the hot sun overcome and exhausted with this rebel counselor's anarchy system for rich kid's youth summer camp.
RICH KIDS CAMP
Somehow my mother got enough money together to send us to RICH KIDS CAMP. I guess I was ten years old at the time. Unfortunately, I was fat, poor and had just gotten over the chicken pox so I was not highly sought after and befriended. There was one kid there who would be my friend. He was goofy, funny and shared some of the same interests as I.
One day the group decided to play charades and my new found friend got up in front of the group, picked up some leaves, turned around and squatted down, dropping leaves between his legs.
Everybody was stumped.
"Makin' It." He said with a devilish grin.
The whole group was in stitches chuckling at his genius and comedic timing.
Somehow, that moment has stuck in my mind all these years. That and the singer later starring in one of my favorite movies, "AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON."
KUDOS TO LADY MORGANA
LADY MORGANA arranged for a local florist to create corsages for DAMIEN for the prom. When we got there the florist was closed and another local florist said they could not create corsages for us. LADY MORGANA decided to visit a supermarket florist close by that just by happenstance had extra corsages available at half price. So LADY MORGANA saved the day.
Normally I have negative things to say about LADY MORGANA, but today LADY MORGANA, this song is for you.
HEE HEE
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S VOCABULARY LESSON: PURE BLISS
It is not often you achieve a state of PURE BLISS and sublime joy, but there are moments in life that send you there. Often one thinks life is all misery, cruelty and despair, but moments of PURE BLISS change that outlook if only for a precious moment in time. PURE BLISS is not publicized on the news nor are the people that make that moment and propagate it. But PURE BLISS exists and it shines a light on all the good in the world while others see only cruelty and a humanity that has lost its way.
My son DAMIEL EXCELSIOR went to the prom last night with a beautiful young lady. DAMIEN does not often speak in sentences because he has SPECIAL NEEDS, but the first thing he said when he got to the prom was, "THIS IS SO EXCITING." DAMIEN danced the night away with his friends from school and it was pure heaven to behold the truly SPECIAL young adults have a great time and see the teachers and staff behind the scenes who made such a precious evening happen through their hard work and thoughtfulness.
When you find PURE BLISS in your life you need to enjoy and cultivate it because it is a fleeting moment in time though truly UNFORGETABLE.
Thursday, May 14, 2026
KIND THINGS TO SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER THAT I LEFT OUT IN MY MOTHER'S DAY RANT
My mother had a hard life filled with trauma. Even though that was so she fought for her kids and did her best to protect her kids. She worked a job as an automobile claims examiner and got yelled at and abused all day long at work and got yelled at and abused when she came home. We did not wear the best clothes or eat good food all the time, but she made sure we were clothed, fed and had a roof over our head even if we lived in a haunted house with rat bastards. My mother paid for little league baseball and I learned about bases loaded, two out and two strikes and taking the swing that loses the game and being THAT guy. After a Summer alone, my mother paid for inner city poor camp where I was the only white kid, YMCA camp where luckily I was fat enough not to be hung in a wedgie on the cabin wall and rich person's camp which was the greatest torture of them all being poor and fat. My mother paid for religious school which financially broke us, but taught me never to kneel before anyone except God. My mother never let us get beaten by my step father and when I tried to interfere she told me to go back into my room and said, "Don't hit him" to my step father in such a way that he knew she would divorce him if he hit her kids and I used to wait to go to sleep until my mother stopped crying which seemed like forever. My mother and I had the same sense of humor when I was young and she tolerated all kinds of bullshit from space monkeys, hermit crabs, gerbils and parakeets. Even though we were poor we had cable TV so I could see jiggling breasts and use curse words properly and see R rated movies without supervision. My biological father never paid child support and my step father worked menial jobs when not unemployed yet my mother held everything together. When a child across the street got the new and innovative ATARI 2600, after much whining and pleading, my mother forked out the $200 so that I could be a minor celebrity for 6 months or so and one of the few that had the video game system. When I was sick and in the hospital and had a fight with staff and they wanted to send me to a hell hole hospital, my mother insisted that I go to the best hell hole that her insurance would allow and that was a place that catered to rich people and even celebrities and this place got me well and on the right track instead of struggling and on the precipice of doom all the time.
I hoped that I would eventually come to a reconciliation with my mother, but that never happened. She did call me before she died and said that she was dying and did not know what to do. I told her we all die and that instead of worrying about dying, start living in the time you have left. She was into walking, taking vitamins, and eating right before she got sick. When I finally saw her before she died, she was eating ice cream. I miss my mother though we became estranged. At her funeral I said things when I originally was going to remain quiet that rubbed people the wrong way. I did not blast my stepfather like I could have and he probably thought I was going to and my stepfather did not understand everything I said because he was probably waiting for the rant about him.
After my mother died, I had a dream, there was an open door and she was walking toward me with my grandmother. They both seemed very happy. "Come with us." My mother said. I pointed to my grandmother and said,"But she's dead." Then my mother and grandmother walked back through the door and I awoke.
Perhaps I will meet my mother and grandmother another day in another place and time. And we can argue like old times.
DEEP THOUGHTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
"Romance is a two way street. You have to meet in the middle to make it work."
Wednesday, May 13, 2026
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S VOCABULARY LESSON - TODAY'S WORD IS: DOUBLE BITCH
A follow on bitch which enhances the original bitching episode by denigrating an attempt to resolve the problem.
Example 1:
LADY MORGANA bitches about our electric bill. I concoct a plan to save electricity and our bill showed reduced by usage 20% year over year. LADY MORGANA says the energy savings was due to New Jersey Governor elect Micky Sheryl and not my ingenious changes and complains about not being able to use the lights all the time.
Example 2:
My mother bitches about me not calling her on the phone. I call her and she answers saying, "What do you want?" I reply, "Want do I want? You asked me to call you and I am calling. I never ask you for anything."
That was the last time I called her.
Fucking people.
Tuesday, May 12, 2026
PORN WITHOUT THE PORN
Tracy was probably the biggest porn star at the time. It seems during this movie she filmed in France she was treated rather roughly. After that she came out with the bombshell that she was under age and almost sunk the whole porn industry. That is my recollection anyway.
I think the whole scandal went deeper, but a lot of people were paid off and legislation enacted so that no further under age talent would be used. Thus the smut empire was saved and Tracy was allowed to become a legitimate actress in non porn movies without so much as a peep from so called "moral people."
VLADVAMPIRELORD TRUE JUDAS PRIEST STORY
I became a huge JUDAS PRIEST fan and bought a promotional JUDAS PRIEST PAINKILLER poster at my University which took up my whole bedroom wall at home. I also bought the PAINKILLER album and was blown away at the new direction the band was taking which was hard, fast and heavy. So when I heard JUDAS PRIEST was headlining the OPERATION ROCK N ROLL TOUR, I got on the phone to get the best tickets I could which ended up being just off the floor toward the bottom of the riser. The Tour was not a commercial success due to the economic recession at the time, but that allowed me to get GREAT tickets as I had some free spending cash.
Included is tour footage from the California leg of the tour. I saw the OPERATION ROCK N ROLL TOUR at the MEADOWLANDS, NJ Arena which included ALICE COOPER, MOTORHEAD, DANGEROUS TOYS, and METAL CHURCH. The year was 1991 and I was 22 years old.
HOW DO I KNOW I AM ANGRY?
I can feel it in my arms. I can feel it in my chest. I can even feel it in my eyes. It is the feeling you get before you have a physical fight with someone.
I look all around the apartment and I see things that set me off. Things opened and not closed. Things tossed around on the floor left to be picked up. The cold emotionless reception I get from LADY MORGANA.
I am sure there are people that have a lot more to be angry about, but this is MY personal HELL. It is the burden of Sisyphus.
ANGRY AGAIN
Somebody once said that I take things personally. I do, if you malign me or subvert me, I take that as a personal affront. I don't say, "That's the way things are." I don't think, "They don't mean to hurt me on a personal level." I don't believe I am NOT NICE. I am NICE to a point. If you cross that red line, things get messy. And if you push me...
I used to lift weights to purge my anger, but I am done lifting weights. I may start some exercise, but right now I just want to improve my life and people just got to get in the way sometimes and drag you down with them.
I like to listen to angry music which acts as a way to express my anger in a positive way and let the emotion out instead of bottling things up until I explode into a screeching fireball of rage and Hellion fury.
Thus, today's music play list.
Enjoy.
Monday, May 11, 2026
VLAD TALKS PORN - THE TALE OF TITTY SLICKERS
I guess I was 18 or so when I went to the local video store to rent some porn. I always looked for the boxes with busty women pictured there, but I could not find any of this type that evening. I settled on a title called TITTY SLICKERS because I assumed there would be a lot of titties in the vid when actually the vid was a spoof on the comedy CITY SLICKERS which I did not know at the time. When I got home and popped the tape in the VCR I was shocked and dismayed as the screen went blue and the tape popped out. From a brief examination of the tape, I could see that there was obviously some damage done and I am going to have to return the tape and explain the situation. I was somewhat in a panic as I assumed they would thing I damaged the tape, but calmed down and thought they would be professional and handle things appropriately.
When I got to the video store, I knew things were going to be rough as the middle aged lady was at the counter. I tried to remain calm and explain things and all seemed well until the lady threatens me with a $100 for damaging their precious TITTY SLICKERS porn tape. Then she says step aside and starts waving the tape and yelling, "We have TITTY SLICKERS here!"
I was beside myself and embarrassed, but there was no way I was paying $100 for an old TITTY SLICKERS tape some dude stuck his dick into. Finally, reason prevailed and the owner of the store came out and asked me to renew my membership which I did and buy a used tape for like $15 and I would get a tape free. No problem.
It was many years before I finally watched TITTY SLICKERS and it was online on some porn site. I did not miss anything.
But I did get a mind numbing experience to last a lifetime.
POST MOTHER'S DAY WRAP UP
My mother was unique for her time. She was not only divorced which was rare for the 1970s, but she had a job which was also uncommon for most women worked at home as housewives, cooking, cleaning, tending to the children, shopping, making the house a home and pleasing their man when he arrived back from work humiliated and abused as most jobs make you feel.
My mother not only was unique for those things, but she re-married a rat bastard, evil step father as well. My friends (I actually had friends at that time) would ask who is that man referring to my step father and I would say, "That is my step father." Once I asked a friend what was bothering him and he said, "Your stepfather hates me." I responded, "My stepfather hates everyone." Friends would respond with strange looks so after awhile I would just say, "That is my father." Just to placate them. But then my biological father would appear out of fucking nowhere and my friends would say, "Who is that?" And I was caught in a lie and a quandary.
My biological father would appear from time to time unannounced and put me in a panic how to deal with the situation. He was never charged with a crime for abducting us and keeping us abroad and on the road for over a year for at the time the incident was considered a "domestic matter." My biological father never paid a cent of child support, but would give us strange gifts from time to time and weird clothes that did not fit. My mother did not push the matter because she was just glad to keep him far from us and not causing trouble.
We moved into a gothic style home with an evil landlord next door and wicked upstairs neighbors, an elderly mother and her two sons in their fifties who delighted in meddling in our lives and trying to cause trouble and control my family. One of my most vivid memories was playing outside and feeling "watched." I would always look up and the old lady was at the window spying on me. I just pretended I did not see her, but one day I decided to wave to her and she moved away from the window. So that became my regular procedure when I felt being surveilled by the old lady.
Our home was described by my mother as a "shithouse" and it was in every way as she had little time to clean and if she did my stepfather was regularly trashing the place when he got drunk and abusive. We had a pet parakeet we let fly free most of the time and shit all over the place. The house was old and didn't smell right. We actually had an air conditioner which did not work and it was stifling hot in the summer and cold in the winter. We kept stuff in what we called a "junk drawer" but truth be told, there was junk all over the place. I bought these sham pets called "sea monkeys" once and put the water filled container on a kitchen shelf. Somebody knocked it off to my complete shock and dismay, so you could say there were dead sea monkeys all over our kitchen floor. Our toilet always overflowed, but my stepfather would not fix it or contact the landlord as he was afraid he would raise the rent which the landlord was always doing and nudging us towards homelessness and poverty.
We had an old color TV which one day decided to go eternal pink. It was amusing to watch my stepfather beating down the television trying to get it back to its previous state. It was a long time before we got a replacement TV as televisions at that time were expensive and my family did not have that much money. I still almost burst out laughing thinking about my stepfather beating the television thinking he could get the same results as he did beating my mother.
Those are just some brief post Mother's Day memories I recall. There are so much more I may release in time or not.
Sunday, May 10, 2026
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)