ON DEATH, DYING, AND A MANIC DEPRESSIVE SWAN SONG (AN OPEN LETTER TO THE FUTURE)

I want to slow things down for a bit and just reflect on a few things I've been thinking about for awhile in a serious and sincere adult way instead of blaring heavy metal and trying to score points with absurd, bizarre humor which is one of my better qualities that I got from my grandfather who was of a non religious Jewish background and lived in a stifling, hot dark and dingy apartment in New Jersey. My grandfather was not a rich man and he knew suffering as he grew up in the height of the GREAT DEPRESSION and had two brothers to boot when people were starving in the streets in New York City and there were agitators for both Communism and Fascism trying to turn the pages of history. My grandfather worked in an auto parts store and he would come home with his feet in extreme pain as he was an old man and worked the cash register. My biological father was a narcissistic psychopath who sought to dominate and contol others especially my mother and myself and young sister who were things or pawns not children being loved as a child should be loved...

I say this because I am sure there will be people who will say there is some global covert international Jewish conspiracy behind the COVID VIRUS and though I have seen and been with and in the mansions of weathy people sometimes, my apartment is probably the size of Melania Trump's shoe closet, not that I begrudge anyone especially Melania beautiful shoes as she is a stunning woman that ex President Trump perhaps should appreciate more and that is NONE of MY business. There are those who would say COVID is a US Military Industrial Covert Biological weapons consortium contracted through Chinese Genetic Research and Development to reduce the population of the Earth and bring about a nirvana for the business and polital 1% elites who are all now fornicating and sodomizing underage heroin addicts in an underground bunker in the Netherlands, but I have no proof of that and the mere thought of such a ridiculous thing got my computer hacked and I cannot even load the Neil Diamond song "Sweet Caroline" now as the computer is permanently crashed and I do not have the energy to bring it back from the dead. Some will say the Chinese created Covid and others North Korea. There will be a conspiracy theory about Vladimir Putin actually creating Covid and dissolving it in cat urine which was sprayed over North New Jersey creating zombies and bringing up legions of Hell which began holding babies hostage unless they were forwarded cases of Smirnoff Vodka and cigars.

Some say Israel created covid as a way to control the Middle East and others that Arab terrorists created Covid as a way to create a new caliphate of people shitting blood and spitting sputum which I was doing both truth be told, but have no proof of such conspiracies or covert evil plots to gain world power, domination, secret caches of cocaine and submarines with helipads and rooms filled with super models and ex porn stars though the ex porn star STORMY DANIELS is rumored to be called before Congress and testify as to her knowledge of such insidious evil and back channel fuckery. Personally my kind of woman is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or EMMA from the Australian television group the WIGGLES. Just sayin'.

I have led a very harsh life and been an arrogant asshole for most of it and I am sorry. I wanted to be a writer in College and now I was forced to give you what I got and decide what is appropriate and what crosses the line and feel pressure to divulge very personal biographical details about my life because I feel I am going to die soon regardless of my improvement in health. I am very angry that humanity has devolved to this level and the cruelty and callousness as well as greed of men. There used to be a UNITED NATIONS to solve world issues as a humanity based structure but all I hear is silence and the prospect of new obscene profits as people die in the streets and another variant arises worse than the worst horror movie you can imagine and we proceed to more rumors of war and god awful mega weapons from the US Military And Industrial Complex and the Russo Chinese dollar store consortium which seems to have gone from a sub standard slinky toy in the 1970s to being outsourced by US rich business magnates seeking to break unions, allowing China and Russia to seem to outclass America in scary weapons and ability to play geopolitical chess without chugging ENSURE meal replacement drink.

As you can see I am very manic right now which is a mental health condition I have had all my life and I am crying and fearful and horny for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez even though I am married and she is probably seeing someone as she is a beautiful and intelligent woman and that is a BIG turn on for me. To make a long story short, I am sad I will die and my son will not have a father and I will not be alive to protect my son who has Special Needs and in many ways he will be alone as they inter me in the ground across the highway next to the Woodbridge Mall in New Jersey and I will haunt that fucking place for all eternity pretending I have money and sleep in the HOT TOPIC at night next to the Food Court. Shame on you world leaders. How could you be so selfish and evil and dispicable. It is sad things have come so far and frankly I no longer want to ever associate with the human race but be reincarnated as a fucking purple South African Wolf Salamander for all eternity.

My abusive step father keeps calling and visiting me like he gives a shit after my mother died of Cancer recently and I was party to her being abused and beaten on the regular by him for over ten years so no, please don't come to my shitty sweat shoe box apartment or I may strangle your ass with one of Chuck Fuckin' Schumer's god damn shoe laces.

Forgive me for I am a bit manic and my last episode was 30 years ago though I am high flying at the moment and obsessing on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and my wife is gonna kick me in the balls when she reads this. Give me a moment to eat dinner and relax and when I come back I will reveal all SECRETS regarding the god damned CORONA virus and Rip Taylor's ability to spew confetti fifty feet at three fucking paces. I am so god damned disappointed I want to summon Charro, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rodgers and the ghost of Evil Keneivel to my beautiful funeral plot across from the Woodbride Mall. I can feel DEATH coming to summon me so cut me some fucking slack Vladimir Putin and General Secretary Of The Communist Party Xi Jinping. I know you are having egg rolls with US President JOE BIDEN and watching the film WEST SIDE STORY afterwards, but regardless, I will reveal this information in a few hours and the COVID HORROR should be over and there will be a world celebration as I finally get some fucking sleep, pleasure myself to the vision of the beautiful OAC AND DIE and go to HELL.

Everyone ok with that?

No, I am not going out of my mind. I AM OUT OF MY MIND. See what YOU fuckers did?

Sheesh!