Saturday, January 24, 2026
THE WISDOM OF VLADVAMPIRELORD
You will only know your true friends by finding those so-called friends who help you move into a new residence.
Friday, January 23, 2026
WHEREBY SATAN HAS LUNCH WITH LORD VLAD ON HIS BIRTHDAY AND GIFTS HIM A SEX DOLL AND VLAD'S MISGIVINGS OF HAVING SEX WITH A LIFELESS LATEX HOOTCHIE MAMA
Lord VLAD accepted SATAN's lunch offer for McDonald's whereby SATAN surprised VLAD with a new CHICOM SEX DOLL with lifelike boobies, ass, and removable cum buckets.
"Thank you so much SATAN for the fuck doll, but I am beginning to have misgivings about banging a cold bitch manikin." VLAD opined. "First, what if I die and I am embarrassed by people finding my sex doll collection?"
"You are a vampire and cannot die." Satan reminded VLAD.
"True." VLAD Considered." "But what about romance, passion, love and erotic communication?" He added.
SATAN sighed. "Just fuck this latex bitch a few times and get back to me."
"As you wish DARK LORD." VLAD responded and added, "Thanks for throwing in the FREE anal lube."
SATAN smiled and said, "Don't forget about SATAN when you are banging this silicone Sally all night and day."
VLAD was not heard from the following week and some suspected his cock was red from rubbing against latex pussy.
"What do you think?"
Thursday, January 22, 2026
THE DARK LORD SATAN ASKS LORD VLAD WHAT HIS FAVORITE TYPE FLESH FEMALE IS SO THEY CAN PICK A SEX DOLL AND BESTOW A HEINOUS CURSE UPON FETLIFE FOR ITS ARROGANCE AND PRUDISH BEHAVIOR
The Dark Lord SATAN was straight to the point as he asked Lord Vlad what he prefers in a female.
"I like curves. Big busty with big lips and full hips. I like long hair preferably red, but any color is acceptable if they got the curves." VLAD stated dispelling the mystery.
SATAN concluded that a sex doll with those specifications could be had for a reasonable price. Lucifer also said that because of the FETLIFE nasty, catty behavior and persistence of sending flying monkeys to Lord VLAD that he would send a most heinous snow and ice storm upon the Southern and Eastern United States to avenge such arrogance.
"I was going to suggest bestowing a week of crotch rot upon the FETLIFE hooligans, but an epic snow and ice storm will do nicely." Lord VLAD concluded as he began to read the sex doll brochure online.
"This one will do nicely." VLAD said with lust. "Yessss."
Wednesday, January 21, 2026
WHEREAS THE DARK LORD SATAN EDUCATES LORD VLAD ON THE TRUE PURPOSE AND MEANING OF FETLIFE AS WELL AS THE PUSSY TRAP AND HOW TO AVOID IT LIKE A COCK STAR
Evil SATAN was beside himself with the blue balls from whoring on FETLIFE and the shits from the new strain of the Covid flim flam 5 days and you die FLU.
"Vlad, I am not going to bullshit you like those self appointed gate keepers on FETLIFE and say these are the things FETLIFE is and shame on you for being a horny mortal and plying women who show pictures of their cooch for down and dirty 15 minute sex. That is below my stature." Satan said with emotion and an educational flair.
Vlad listened intently while seeing a multitude of electronic eyes where big boobs and asses should be in the FETLIFE popular wench section as he nodded attentively.
SATAN continued, "FETLIFE is a showcase for narcissists who wish to gain attention by sharing their fetishistic lifestyle, no more, no less."
"Really!" Vlad interjected. "I thought FETLIFE was for making kinky friends and finding your true self by getting your ass throttled by a hotel room of ghetto snipes."
"That is just cock spittle by jack asses. Most of FETLIFE is asocial, Lesbians, asexual people posting nudes, married and not looking and gay guys posing as biological women." LUCIFER revealed.
"Motherfucker." VLAD exclaimed.
"Indeed." SATAN concurred. "You have a better chance of getting pussy on CHRISTIAN MINGLE and at the produce section of your local supermarket."
"So how does one procure some pussy at a reasonable cost if you have none or your partner grows cold as a proverbial witch's tit and starts watching murder porn like DATELINE?" Vlad interjected.
"Well, you can spin the ICE and get a low cost Mexican escort while they last or you can get one of the latest technologically advanced sex dolls from CHINA complete with removable upgraded pussy and anus as well as silicone breasts and privies." SATAN boldly offered.
"Gad dang!" Vlad exclaimed. "How much is that going to cost?
"Roughly $850 plus the TRUMP pussy tarif of 10%, not much more than two or three blow bangs with a Jersey slut if you can find one that isn't some gay dude named Maurice on the sly." SATAN advised.
"I'll think about it." VLAD pondered. "First I got to clean out my closet."
SATAN pursued,"In a year you can get a few fuck dolls of different configurations with the benefit that they don't mention their ex lovers, ask for cab fare home or malign you all over FETLIFE when the relationship goes sour."
"Alas." Vlad muttered. "You may be onto something."
Tuesday, January 20, 2026
ON THE DARK LORD SATAN'S GREAT RANCOR AND RAGE OVER THE SEEMING LACK OF PUSSY AT PETCO AND A COVERT INVESTIGATION INTO FETLIFE FOR CASH STRAPPED STRAIGHT WHITE MALE PERVERTS
Vladvampirelord dialed 666 on his cell and for once DARK LORD SATAN picked up.
"What do you want Vlad?" Lucifer moaned. "I am hungover and my crotch itches from Bezo's heli yacht party."
"I just wanted to tell you how the trip to PETCO looking for pussy went." Vlad apoligized.
"No, no. Please tell me." Satan responded changing his tone. "Did you get some catty pussy?"
"Actually no." Vladvampirelord sighed with chagrin.
"All the pussy at PETCO is either already under contract to a new life partner, looking for hung black male owners, rich sugar daddy's or they are Lesbians searching for Lesbian play dates and if you so much as look at them they will hiss and piss on you before they kitty cat block your ass." Vlad concluded with real despair.
"That is a god danged shame!" Satan raged.
"I am going to go undercover to FETLIFE as a cash strapped Caucasian male in his fifties and see what nasty poontang and whooped pussy I can drum up as I am His Infernal Majesty and a damned chick magnet in my own right." SATAN boomed.
SATAN returned from the ether of the internet superhighway looking a bit pissed.
"What gives LORD SATAN?" Vlad interrogated with excitement. "What sleezy pussy have you found on FETLIFE?"
SATAN cursed and rambled in some ancient dialect before stating that while there were great misdeeds and perverse Sins spoken of on FETLIFE, mostly there are narcissistic young females screwing their best friend's boyfriends, wenches extorting money and gifts from naive pervs and pretty white women sucking on the half inch head of young black cocks to say they could take 12 inches and brag to their friends.
"Mother fucker!" Vlad exclaimed.
"Indeed." Said SATAN. Even the mothers call themselves Queens and want to bone YOU in the ass. "Truly Hellish." SATAN concluded.
And thus SATAN had the blue balls hoping to get invited back to Jeff Bezo's heli yacht party soon and Vladvampirelord figured his spare time would be better spent hunting down and pairing missing socks then becoming overcome with dsesire seeking nasty ass whooped pussy on FETLIFE.
Alas.
Monday, January 19, 2026
VLAD TAKES SATAN'S ADVICE AND GOES TO PETCO LOOKING FOR PUSSY
Unlike FETLIFE, the pussy at PETCO is generally well behaved and caged whilst being more than willing to accept a new relationship based on love and caring. Unfortunately, like FETLIFE, you will soon find that most of the pussy at PETCO is on the rebound from the shelter and has a nasty attitude as well as a proclivity to bite and shit on the floor.
"You got to take the bad with the good." So says SATAN, the Lord.of Darkness.
Sunday, January 18, 2026
MY LATEST CONVERSATION WITH SATAN BY VLADVAMPIRELORD
"Yo Satan, what gives? I call your cell and it just goes to voicemail. I thought we were brothers from a different mutha or so you said." Vlad quipped.
"If you haven't noticed I've been busy." The Dark Lord grimaced.
"There are storm troopers in the streets hunting Puerto Ricans. The Livingston Mall is all but dead with the Macy's abandonment. Canada is becoming a province of China. And FETLIFE is now a virtual sea of electronic eyes where there used to be saggy boobs and whooped cooch. Hello?" Satan blustered.
"It does seem that the world has become even more a steaming shit hole. One must credit the Devil for his Due." Vladvampirelord assented.
"It gets worse. Much worse." Satan added with a malevolent sneer. Soon Melania Trump will put out an album full of Eastern European dance grooves that will rocket to number one on the Billboard charts." Satan cackled until he coughed violently and spit a dripping green loogie across the room.
"It's the Hoboken New Covid Flim Flam Flu." Vladvampirelord commented as he stepped back a few paces and held a paper mask to his nose and mouth forgetting he was already dead.
"What I really want to discuss with you Satan is the lack of DTF New Jersey whores. They DM my Inbox and then disable their FETLIFE accounts. It is a real down scale hard on experience. Everybody wants you to sign onto their ONLY FANS hoping you get a dead hand jack off for kissing ass and buying expensive Jimmy Achjoo shoes. What is a demonic presence to do?" Vladvampire pleaded to Lucifer as he let go a lava flow of diarrhea into a boiling abyss in Hell.
Satan concurred and added the following, "New Jersey sluts are no longer fucking. You can give them money or buy them a small fries at McDonalds, but you probably are just gonna get played gifting them psyop vibrating dildos from China." Satan concluded with a rabid sneer.
"But don't look so lost and forlorn. There is still ONE place you can get pussy relatively free." Satan offered in consolation.
"Where?" Vladvampirelord asked with great anticipation.
Satan smiled as he replied, "PETCO. All the nasty cats from the shelter are to be had for a pittance."
"Are they ALL nasty?" Vlad asked with a frown.
"Do you have to ask?" Satan added as he waved his hand and said, "Now I must take food from the homeless and poor plus attend another Jeff Bezo's heli yacht party with booze, cocaine and high scale hookers. It is a bore, but I must show my support."
With that Satan disappeared and Vladvampirelord headed off to PETCO to check on that nasty pussy.
Saturday, January 17, 2026
Friday, January 16, 2026
Thursday, January 15, 2026
Ice Cream In The Rain
Loving you
Was like eating ice cream in the rain
So sweet on my tongue
Bitterness
Insane
And the agony of the drip
Like blood streaming down your thigh
Cherry red vanilla
Licking up
Ecstasy
Within the storm and darkness
There is lightning
As mouths caress
And hands grope
At what will soon disappear
Your eyes show fear and hunger
Like an animal cornered and trying to escape
And I let you go with one last lick
Having craved such a mad treat
In a nightmare long ago
Two scoops of lust
Balanced perilously on a cone
Waiting for the fall
I bite and you run
Leaving me alone
Whispering in the silence
A lost child covered with Sin
Words coated with dripping sugar
Echo loud
On a playground
Of Nothing.
Wednesday, January 14, 2026
Tuesday, January 13, 2026
Monday, January 12, 2026
UFO CENTRAL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
This triangle UFO formation is fairly common in sightings throughout the world.
My theory is that the formation is over a local airport. The triangle is a sign from alien beings that they are intelligent entities that are in control and watching.
New Jersey has been a hotbed of UFO sightings recently.
Sunday, January 11, 2026
New UFO videos taken tonight including triangle UFO formation (3rd incident)
The UFO formed about 90 degrees from previous sighting.
Attached are cell phone videos.
MAD CONSUMERISM WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
Bought a cassette by the hair band JUNKYARD in the dead mall memorabilia shop. Followed up with a NEW cassette player in clearance at MARSHALLS.
Sweet.
Saturday, January 10, 2026
Friday, January 9, 2026
THE WISDOM OF VLADVAMPIRELORD
The world has always been fucked. And will always be fucked. Have a nice day.
Thursday, January 8, 2026
Wednesday, January 7, 2026
Tuesday, January 6, 2026
Cemetery Girls Smile
Cemetery girls smile
Deep in my mind
Six feet under a dream
Sublime
In death I still hold you
In my arms
My tongue flickering hot
On the ghost of a memory
I hear you whisper
Come
As the wind howls a funeral song
You have left me with Nothingness
So cold
My heart bursts at the thought
Of love
A funeral pyre extinguished
And a grave
That stands alone in the darkness
Waiting.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)