ON THE DARK LORD SATAN'S GREAT RANCOR AND RAGE OVER THE SEEMING LACK OF PUSSY AT PETCO AND A COVERT INVESTIGATION INTO FETLIFE FOR CASH STRAPPED STRAIGHT WHITE MALE PERVERTS

 Vladvampirelord dialed 666 on his cell and for once DARK LORD SATAN picked up.

"What do you want Vlad?"  Lucifer moaned.  "I am hungover and my crotch itches from Bezo's heli yacht party."

"I just wanted to tell you how the trip to PETCO looking for pussy went."  Vlad apoligized.

"No, no.  Please tell me."  Satan responded changing his tone.  "Did you get some catty pussy?"

"Actually no."  Vladvampirelord sighed with chagrin.  

"All the pussy at PETCO is either already under contract to a new life partner, looking for hung black male owners, rich sugar daddy's or they are Lesbians searching for Lesbian play dates and if you so much as look at them they will hiss and piss on you before they kitty cat block your ass."  Vlad concluded with real despair.

"That is a god danged shame!"  Satan raged.

"I am going to go undercover to FETLIFE as a cash strapped Caucasian male in his fifties and see what nasty poontang and whooped pussy I can drum up as I am His Infernal Majesty and a damned chick magnet in my own right."  SATAN boomed.

SATAN returned from the ether of the internet superhighway looking a bit pissed.

"What gives LORD SATAN?"  Vlad interrogated with excitement.  "What sleezy pussy have you found on FETLIFE?"

SATAN cursed and rambled in some ancient dialect before stating that while there were great misdeeds and perverse Sins spoken of on FETLIFE, mostly there are narcissistic young females screwing their best friend's boyfriends, wenches extorting money and gifts from naive pervs and pretty white women sucking on the half inch head of young black cocks to say they could take 12 inches and brag to their friends.

"Mother fucker!"  Vlad exclaimed.

"Indeed."  Said SATAN.  Even the mothers call themselves Queens and want to bone YOU in the ass.  "Truly Hellish."  SATAN  concluded.

And thus SATAN had the blue balls hoping to get invited back to Jeff Bezo's heli yacht party soon and Vladvampirelord figured his spare time would be better spent hunting down and pairing missing socks then becoming overcome with dsesire seeking nasty ass whooped pussy on FETLIFE.

Alas.