WHEREAS THE DARK LORD SATAN EDUCATES LORD VLAD ON THE TRUE PURPOSE AND MEANING OF FETLIFE AS WELL AS THE PUSSY TRAP AND HOW TO AVOID IT LIKE A COCK STAR

 Evil SATAN was beside himself with the blue balls from whoring on FETLIFE and the shits from the new strain of the Covid flim flam 5 days and you die FLU.

"Vlad, I am not going to bullshit you like those self appointed gate keepers on FETLIFE and say these are the things FETLIFE is and shame on you for being a horny mortal and plying women who show pictures of their cooch for down and dirty 15 minute sex.  That is below my stature."  Satan said with emotion and an educational flair.

Vlad listened intently while seeing a multitude of electronic eyes where big boobs and asses should be in the FETLIFE popular wench section as he nodded attentively.

SATAN continued, "FETLIFE is a showcase for narcissists who wish to gain attention by sharing their fetishistic lifestyle, no more, no less."

"Really!"  Vlad interjected.  "I thought FETLIFE was for making kinky friends and finding your true self by getting your ass throttled by a hotel room of ghetto snipes."

"That is just cock spittle by jack asses.  Most of FETLIFE is asocial, Lesbians, asexual people posting nudes, married and not looking and gay guys posing as biological women."  LUCIFER revealed.

"Motherfucker."  VLAD exclaimed.

"Indeed."  SATAN concurred.  "You have a better chance of getting pussy on CHRISTIAN MINGLE and at the produce section of your local supermarket."

"So how does one procure some pussy at a reasonable cost if you have none or your partner grows cold as a proverbial witch's tit and starts watching murder porn like DATELINE?"  Vlad interjected.

"Well, you can spin the ICE and get a low cost Mexican escort while they last or you can get one of the latest technologically advanced sex dolls from CHINA complete with removable upgraded pussy and anus as well as silicone breasts and privies."  SATAN boldly offered.

"Gad dang!"  Vlad exclaimed.  "How much is that going to cost?

"Roughly $850 plus the TRUMP pussy tarif of 10%, not much more than two or three blow bangs with a Jersey slut if you can find one that isn't some gay dude named Maurice on the sly."  SATAN advised.

"I'll think about it."  VLAD pondered.  "First I got to clean out my closet."

SATAN pursued,"In a year you can get a few fuck dolls of different configurations with the benefit that they don't mention their ex lovers, ask for cab fare home or malign you all over FETLIFE when the relationship goes sour."

"Alas."  Vlad muttered.  "You may be onto something."