"Yo Satan, what gives? I call your cell and it just goes to voicemail. I thought we were brothers from a different mutha or so you said." Vlad quipped.
"If you haven't noticed I've been busy." The Dark Lord grimaced.
"There are storm troopers in the streets hunting Puerto Ricans. The Livingston Mall is all but dead with the Macy's abandonment. Canada is becoming a province of China. And FETLIFE is now a virtual sea of electronic eyes where there used to be saggy boobs and whooped cooch. Hello?" Satan blustered.
"It does seem that the world has become even more a steaming shit hole. One must credit the Devil for his Due." Vladvampirelord assented.
"It gets worse. Much worse." Satan added with a malevolent sneer. Soon Melania Trump will put out an album full of Eastern European dance grooves that will rocket to number one on the Billboard charts." Satan cackled until he coughed violently and spit a dripping green loogie across the room.
"It's the Hoboken New Covid Flim Flam Flu." Vladvampirelord commented as he stepped back a few paces and held a paper mask to his nose and mouth forgetting he was already dead.
"What I really want to discuss with you Satan is the lack of DTF New Jersey whores. They DM my Inbox and then disable their FETLIFE accounts. It is a real down scale hard on experience. Everybody wants you to sign onto their ONLY FANS hoping you get a dead hand jack off for kissing ass and buying expensive Jimmy Achjoo shoes. What is a demonic presence to do?" Vladvampire pleaded to Lucifer as he let go a lava flow of diarrhea into a boiling abyss in Hell.
Satan concurred and added the following, "New Jersey sluts are no longer fucking. You can give them money or buy them a small fries at McDonalds, but you probably are just gonna get played gifting them psyop vibrating dildos from China." Satan concluded with a rabid sneer.
"But don't look so lost and forlorn. There is still ONE place you can get pussy relatively free." Satan offered in consolation.
"Where?" Vladvampirelord asked with great anticipation.
Satan smiled as he replied, "PETCO. All the nasty cats from the shelter are to be had for a pittance."
"Are they ALL nasty?" Vlad asked with a frown.
"Do you have to ask?" Satan added as he waved his hand and said, "Now I must take food from the homeless and poor plus attend another Jeff Bezo's heli yacht party with booze, cocaine and high scale hookers. It is a bore, but I must show my support."
With that Satan disappeared and Vladvampirelord headed off to PETCO to check on that nasty pussy.
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