Graveyard Coffeehouse

Freedom To Be Me

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I never believed in witches
Tarot cards
And Fate
Not until recently that is
I was a man of truth
And fact
Reality
But when reality overwhelmed me
I went deep inside myself
And realized
I was dying
Literally dying inside
And that Death
Haunted me
Was breathing down my shoulder
I was bleeding
Internally
Because I hated my life
That I had no control
I was a pawn in the game
Manipulated by others
For their gain not mine
And I went cold eventually
It was my way of coping
When all hope was lost
And I felt it was
So I decided to go cold
Numb
And face the reality
That offered no hope
No hope but to die eventually.

Then I realized I must change
I had to do something 
Try any way
To get some satisfaction
For myself
And I started looking
Exploring
I thought salvation
Was in losing myself
In a sexual moment
And I was bitterly
Disappointed
Empty
When it was all over
I walked away
With nothing
Nothing
For my efforts.

I stumbled 
Again and again
Looking for an answer
Eventually I fell
Into a new realm
One of pleasure
Pain
Deception
Mind fucks
I was not at home there
I was a vampire
And I learned 
How to laugh again
Desire again
Lust again
Cry again
I realized 
Once more I was alive
And a witch
Inspired me
Every day
And then she was gone
I was enchanted
I thought 
This must have great meaning
For to me 
All of this was supernatural
Spiritual
Beyond the pale
I pursued
Walking the winding path
And the straight line
The razor's edge on broken glass.

My sweet witch pulled up a tarot card 
Before she left
It was the death card
I cried for I knew
We were over
But she said
No it is a new beginning
Not sadness
A new beginning
There is pain 
Tears
Soul searching
But in the end
A new beginning
And then she disappeared
Into the Darkness.

I would not accept Fate
My Destiny
I pursued this witch
Even when I wanted to give up
And declare defeat
But I always saw her in the distance
Mocking me
Appearing, 
Dissolving into the ether
And reappearing 
Leading me on forward
To the evil 
Which lay ahead
And now I know
The witch is not the end
Of my journey
She told me 
To fuck off and die
Go to hell
That is not the woman 
Of my dreams
My fantasy
Or my Fate
It is but a New Beginning
As she and the Death Card said
It would be.

I have straddled the fence
Between the light and darkness
Vanilla and bondage
I have attempted to hold 
Both worlds together
And sacrifice myself
But now it is a new beginning
A new time
I have the freedom to be me
I am alive
Strong
Ready to live
And love again
I am a new man
Thank you sweet witch for being there
For leading me to this special place
Thank you to my vampire slave
For showing me love
And anger
For pushing me to the brink
Opening up my eyes
I have the freedom to be me now
I can live again
Love again
Laugh again
Cry again
I have the freedom to be me
I am alive.