Friday, August 21, 2026
Thursday, August 20, 2026
Wednesday, August 19, 2026
Tuesday, August 18, 2026
Monday, August 17, 2026
Sunday, August 16, 2026
LIFE IN HELL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD: THE AI VERSION
I have to credit AI with some good original music patterned after different genres, but NOW AI is trying to TRICK me into posting original bands and then playing AI versions of their songs, one I recognized right away as a fake and another that took me 20 seconds to realize the singer was NOT BONO from U2.
How YOUTUBE allows this is beyond me, but this HELL after all.
THE POST BELOW IS NOT U2 but AI pretending to be U2!
Saturday, August 15, 2026
REVENGE OF LADY MORGANA
After the comments I made about slobs and cleaning ladies, LADY MORGANA is taking revenge by throwing out my stuff.
And you wonder why these bitches end up floating in a lake mysteriously...
Just sayin'.
YESTERDAY I CONSIDERED SPENDING THE MORNING AND AFTERNOON WHORING AND FORNICATING WITH INTERNET HOOCHIE MAMAAS
But I decided to do something more fulfilling and bought some tropical fish and supplies instead and saved me the visit to the med center to check for STDs and crotch rot.
LIFE IN HELL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
LADY MORGANA keeps bringing up the "cleaning lady" retort when fighting off my advances or when I have a criticism, but the fact is for YEARS, we had a "cleaning lady." The apartment looked good for two days after being cleaned and then reverted back to a disaster area because LADY MORGANY refused to lift a finger to clean or organize the apartment and the cleaning lady even suggested that she come two days a week. Eventually we stopped with the cleaning lady for financial reasons, but it is one of LADY MORGANA's top ways to irritate me and she thinks that the more she brings this up, the closer she is to getting a cleaning lady when I would need perpetual mad crazy sex and blow jobs to consider a cleaning lady and that is not happening so the whole cleaning lady thing is just a way to aggravate me and aggravating me is not something I would advise.
DEEP THOUGHTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
EVERYONE in this world has a DEMON assigned to them. It could be a friend, lover, spouse, employer, stranger or even a family member. But YOU have a demon whose sole purpose is to bring you misery and torment.
And that DEMON has a DEMON assigned to it as well and so on, ad infinitum.
EXISTENCE IN THIS WORLD OF HELL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
I often try to make sense of things in this world and why we have constant WAR, FAMINE, NATURAL DISASTERS, TRAGEDIES, CRUELTY, MURDER, CORRUPTION, HATE, etc.
And I have to remind myself that WE ARE IN HELL. We are in HELL FOR A REASON we may not know or understand, but we are still in HELL. We are here to suffer, burn off bad KARMA and hopefully transcend our miserable SOUL status.
I cannot explain all the nuances of this WORLD VIEW, but it makes the most sense to me and provides me just enough comfort to be miserable again.
Alas.
MOMENT OF TRANSPARENCY WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
I have NEVER kissed a woman's FEET before and EVEN if she was giving me MAD PUSSY, I would not kiss her FEET.
I will kiss the areas above the FEET though...
REPEAT OFFENSES WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
I went to get a paper plate this morning and reached for the third shelf of the cabinet and almost fell into the TRAP a SECOND TIME as a large bottle of HOODOO was right next to the plates waiting to fall on my head when I pulled a plate from the shelf. My first thought was to throw the bottle of HOODOO across the room, but I decided on moving it to the first shelf where it will do much less damage knowing that LADY MORGANA is going to put that FUCKING THING right back on the third shelf to ensnare me and bonk my fucking head when I reach for a plate.
LANGUAGE ARTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
Here is exactly what a SLOB hears when you explain about the value of organizing the apartment.
TRANSLATION:
Bla bla bla bla bla blaa bla bla bla
You cannot convert or convince a SLOB. You can either coerce them or change must come from within like if a WHORE suddenly decides to become a straight laced church goer and refrain from all night and day fuckery for cash.
The likelihood is near zero so you can ONLY change YOURSELF and deal with the resulting fallout around you.
Friday, August 14, 2026
Thursday, August 13, 2026
LIFE IN HELL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD: LONELINESS AND WHORES IN DAMNATION
It isn't easy being lonely and not able to express your love to a big breasted skank who will live to rock your world. If you don't have that, it will come at a premium in the whore's service charge. You will not get love, but an orgasmic release if things go right and if things go wrong you will get much more that you never intended.
I did some research and the current price range for whores in Northern New Jersey is between $350 to $950 with one exception of a $10,000 cost that must be a woman with a golden pussy because her pic did not look like someone fitting that charge.
I cannot see me seeing a whore because I had a bad whore experience once and I am paranoid about germs and disease. With my luck I would get busted by the cops or end up in the middle of some pimp war. I would also have to get STD tested afterwards and the med center staff give you a dirty look when you tell them you just saw a whore and want to get tested for cooties. I also almost died from COVID so seeing a whore would be a death wish for me and just desserts for taking my health for granted.
Which leaves celibacy, a low end sex doll or jacking it to thirty year old porn.
Whatever I did in a previous life must have been really bad for me to have to experience this bland lack of willing pussy.
It could be worse. I still have basic cable and internet service. And the microwave works.
LIFE IN HELL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD: WHORES, SEX DOLLS, AND PORN
I may be 312 years old, but that does NOT mean I am TOO OLD for SEX. My dick has recently recovered from COVID and I have the desire and libido, but LADY MORGANA does not want my vampire LOVE. She screams if I so much as touch her and I am lucky just to get a sleepy brush off every now and then if I poke her with my haunted cattle prod. She thinks I am her personal assistant and not godlike vamp lover which is a fucking shame because I am so sexy and Adonis handsome.
That leaves me with few options, whores, sex dolls, and porn. The problem with whores is there is no emotional connection beyond the sex and they just want the money and try to trick you out of your time and steal money and possessions if they can. Whores have a higher likelihood of disease even if you wear a condom. You could get COVID III or some other god awful disease as well as you have to deal with their bullshit and may get arrested if you are straight up paying and the cops find out. There is also a possibility of getting involved in a crime. Pimps, drive by's, jealous serial killers and that is an Extremely high danger ratio for 5 minutes of pleasure.
I did look into sex dolls which range from $2,000 to $10,000 depending on how realistic and robot equipped you want to pay for. I did find a $2,000 model I was attracted to, but I feel the expense is a huge waste though cavorting with whores would cost much more . Having a sex doll in the middle of the bed would create a nice wall between me and LADY MORGANA, but be a problem finding storage for a 100 lb sex doll and a potential discovery issue if we ever have guests over the castle. Also, should I die, I would leave the sex doll behind and there is the issue of throwing it out or somebody else fucking MY sex doll which I would take issue with even if I was a corpse.
Then there is porn. Some years back I decided I needed to buy enough porn for the rest of my life and now I am stuck with two closets of 30+ year old porn VHS and DVD I bought before porn became available for FREE on computer and cell phone. I still like porn, but it just doesn't do for me what it used to do when you have already done the kinky stuff. Nevertheless, it is comforting that should there be a global apocalypse I will probably still be able to access porn, which most cannot say.
VOCABULARY LESSON FOLLOW UP INCIDENT REPORT: HIGH SHELF DROP TRAP
I know I mentioned this at least once before perhaps under another name and by the gods, sure enough a stack of paper plates on a high shelf next to a large bottle caused it to fall upon my person just as I had predicted.
Some may say, "Lord Vlad, why do you dwell on the negative?" And the answer is, I do not wish to speak of negative things or aggravating circumstances, but to prevent accidents and problems that will surely arise from LADY MORGANA's apathy. Otherwise, I seek to post music and humorous things mostly.
So now I have a bottle that has assaulted my person and LADY MORGANA will say, but you did this or that offense prior or bring up wanting a cleaning lady instead of apologizing for this travesty. In fact, she looks at these things as amusing now which I do not.
Thus is life in HELL.
Wednesday, August 12, 2026
Tuesday, August 11, 2026
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