Monday, August 31, 2026
LIFE LESSONS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
If a woman says she is "fine" what you are actually hearing is a hurricane warning for your local area.
Take cover.
Making Love In The Darkness Under a Blood Moon
A blood moon comes infrequently
But when it comes
It comes hard, deep and heavy
In orgasmic infernal bliss
Sanguinary
In a dance of desire
Orgasmic light beaming from the black abyss
I taste the past and the moment soon to be gone
This vision of love so bombastic and fleeting
I massage it with my tongue
And store it like treasure in my mind
Such is wonder and madness
Sorrow and ecstasy
You believe what is already gone
To still be in your hands
As you cavort dream like
In a memory
Of this beautiful
Ghost love.
Sunday, August 30, 2026
Saturday, August 29, 2026
Burning Man Orgy Dome attendees urged to use baby wipes and hand sanitizer
After a particularly kinky session years ago, I used isopropyl alcohol on my taint and ballsack to burn the devil out of me. I highly advise those who would fuck multiple strangers without protection in a drug filled orgy to do the same.
https://www.themirror.com/entertainment/burning-man-orgy-dome-rules-2002646
LIFE IN HELL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD: HOW TO HANDLE WHEN A SUPPOSED PARTNERSHIP BECOMES MANIPULATION
1. Tell your "partner" FUCK YOU three (3) times
2. Explain that this "arrangement is no longer working for you and that if it continues you will begin focusing on your own plans independent of any prior arrangement.
3. Explain that you are knowledgeable of any gas lighting, mind fucking, muddy logic or circular arguments and will not be brain drained by getting bogged down in such unproductive talk.
4. Ask for silence or to leave the presence of the other party.
5. Explain your desires and what you will accept and what you will not.
6. If an agreement is not reached go to point #1.
Friday, August 28, 2026
Thursday, August 27, 2026
Wednesday, August 26, 2026
Tuesday, August 25, 2026
VLADVAMPIRELORD'S MAN IN THE MIRROR
I have made mistakes in my life, I have hurt people and been hurt by people. I have had successes and failures. I have had shame and moments of elation. There were times I had many friends and occasions were I was ostracized and alienated.
Through it all, I looked in the mirror and liked who I saw in the reflection. That person in the mirror is someone I could live with even when others shun me for whatever reason.
The mirror shows me a guy who is attractive, strong, intelligent and loving.
When I see a picture of myself I see someone different. I see an old man who is tired, balding and overweight.
That is why I prefer to look in the mirror.
LADY MORGANA WAS A DEMONOID SEX TRAP THAT ENSNARED ME
When I first met LADY MORGANA she liked to hold hands, kiss and engage in heavy petting. Eventually we graduated to late night sex romps that enraged long haul truckers and high school chess teams. Now LADY MORGANA gets spooked if I even sneak a feel when she is sleeping. She does not care to communicate. She is ok with trying to mind fuck her way to avoid real talk about my needs and I still have needs even if I am 325 years young in vampire time.
This morning I noticed the vampire chocolate chip cookies were open and on the kitchen counter where all the ants like to swarm and eat our crumbs. I really am at a loss. The problem is I know I am IN HELL yet somehow I think salvation is around the corner. When I see the cookies open in that location in such a sloppy fashion I begin to realize that salvation is not in the cards. Never.
I am living with a SHE-DEMON that torments me with sloppy food handling and weight loss programs without the sex fringe benefits.
Alas.
Monday, August 24, 2026
Sunday, August 23, 2026
DEEP THOUGHTS WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD: LIFE IS A FISH TANK
What I am looking for in a fish tank and life is beauty and relaxation. I do not want piranha death fish ruining my aquatic experience, but sure enough after I set up my fish tanks with air bubbles, two filters and beneficial bacteria among other things, I see death at the bottom of the tank. I deny death. I defy death. I say to myself, "The fish will resurrect from the dead." By death always wins.
If a giant hand reached from the sky holding a net and flipped me into a plastic bag and then 30 minutes later I was put into a new reality, I might just have a heart attack and die on the spot. So perhaps new fish dying should not be so surprising or people dying as we are constantly being shifted into new experiences and thrown into turmoil without adequate support. But still, death is always a shock and a disappointment and a feeling that somehow you have failed someone.
I look for non aggressive fish in my tanks, but for some reason they arrive ready to fight and that does not calm me, but contributes to my angst. At some point, I realized what I see as fighting is actually fish fucking, which makes me more unsettled. All I know is that either fighting, fucking or dying is going on in my fish tanks and I cannot do much about it.
It is a wonder nature can excel at maintaining the environment if humans don't spoil things because just keeping alive house plants or fish in a fish tank is tough.
And keeping your self alive is the biggest challenge with all the adversity one deals with and one day, you wake up dead.
Saturday, August 22, 2026
Friday, August 21, 2026
MORGANA'S REVENGE PART 2 - THE VACATION EDITION OR DON'T BE THAT GUY
LADY MORGANA was stretching her bitch muscles on vacation and planned so we would have separate beds to avoid me groping her in her sleep or pole prodding her fat ass during the night. It just so turns out that the first night I slept on a fold out couch which if anybody ever experienced that, was the feeling of springs in my ribs and other inconvenient places and I used the extra pillows to give me some cushion to no avail. DAMIEN EXSELSIOR would not give up any space on the queen bed so the second night I slept in a bunk bed which was just about as uncomfortable as the fold out couch.
I remember how my step father was such a bastard when I was a kid and made the few vacations we had nightmares so I was trying to make the best of things and not blow up and ruin the vacation for DAMIEN.
Despite the obvious provocation, I did not blow up and ruin the vacation for DAMIEN EXCESIOR, but I was very angry and I had to get over that as LADY MORGANA was being an uber bitch.
Below is a video of a terrifying water slide I went on with DAMIEN EXCELSIOR where we had to climb to the ceiling and get on a raft before being plunged into darkness and thrown hither and thither down the water slide. LADY MORGANA refused to go with us on the slide.
Riding this terror slide with DAMIEN was the least I could do to try to allow fun in my child's life instead of abject misery. I did not want to be THAT guy I knew so well growing up.
And I was NOT THAT GUY, I was VLADVAMPIRELORD.
LIFE IN HELL WITH VLADVAMPIRELORD
I am still learning how NOT TO GIVE A FUCK.
It is painful to give a fuck when nobody else cares.
Thursday, August 20, 2026
Wednesday, August 19, 2026
Tuesday, August 18, 2026
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