FULL DISCLOSURE, ASSORTED COVID BULL SHIT, PARANORMAL MIND FUCKS AND MEETING DEATH LAST NIGHT IN MY DINING ROOM AMONG FUCKING OTHER THINGS...

FULL DISCLOSURE: I am in a full blown manic episode, but taking my meds now and trying to get more sleep as I only got 3 hours sleep last night and have been hallucinating, highly sensitive to stimuli, delusional etc. which is very scary as I have not had such an episode in about thirty years and am sick with COVID to boot and dying. I explain this to my wife and son, but we are at each others throats and the dry heat and hacking cough are bringing me down. I am wearing gym shorts I have not worn in twenty years and probaby lost about 50 pounds hacking and spewing blood which became exacerbated in the evening as dry steam heat kicks in and I flee to the bathroom to run the shower and breath in moisture. I have tried using Vapo and skin cream to stay alive and was very weak last night as my chest began constricting in pain. I remembered taking Tai Chi in college and that helped me relax along with breathing in the steam. It is very difficult not having a support system and seeing the cold uber bitch behavior at times. I am afraid my son will get COVID 27 and finally fucking do me in, but I may not have control of that as I do not have a bunker in Costa Rica like the New Jersey Governor and live in a fucking dry heat steam box with a humorless ice queen LAW AND ORDER junkie and cute Special Needs son.

I was so exhausted yesterday that I resigned myself to Death by 10 o'clock and figured DEATH would arive some time between 10 pm and 12 midnight. I figured I do not want to die like a little bitch so I wet myself down and put on an outback hat, took off my shirt and rubbed Vapo all over my chest and inhaled some steam heat. Then I went to the living room and tried to listen to some relaxing music on my headphones. I figured maybe I could try to wrestle DEATH before he takes me to HELL. What is he going to do? Kill me? I looked up and there he was, DEATH incarnate and I blurted out, "What a fucking life as I was thoroughly disgusted and could not believe I was finally going to die. I sat there and tried to figure out where the illusion was, but could not find how the shadow was cast on the wall or why it just stayed there motionless. Finally I said, "DEATH talk to me!" And the fucking thing disappeared. I looked like a sweaty, gay Australian cowboy revue backup dancer and DEATH probably thought I don't fucking need this shit and left..."

Morning brought pitched battles with my wife who would not give me space though I explained the situation multiple times and a visit from my abusive Step father pretending to be concerned. I advised him that I had COVID pneumonia for over three weeks and was dying and he should leave and I never saw him run away so fast which was priceless as I grew up watching him beat and abuse my now dead mother for over 10 years.

Alas.