WHEN I DIED IN THE HOSPITAL DURING COVID OR WHITE MALE RED SHIRT

 White Male, Red shirt was how I was described upon being admitted to the hospital.  I know that now.

The hospital was very helpful and efficient getting my records to me, a full 719 pages of documents for a stay of a little over 3 weeks.  Prior to being admitted and during most of my stay, I was not sleeping so I had gone psychotic and delusional making some of my time there distorted or just a blank space I could not recall.  Early in my stay, the staff caught me holding a woman's hand during the night shift so I was deemed sexually aggressive and placed on a 15 minute watch schedule.  Speaking in sexual innuendo to the young nurses and asking them on dates to fast food joints did not help my position and I was put on the aggressive list and a 15 minute watch for that also.  I previously documented my altercation with the staff which I found in the archives began with me saying, "Fuck You."  And flashing my middle finger.  Then picking up a plastic utensil and pointing at other staff and saying, "Fuck You.  Fuck You.  And Fuck ALL of You."  Then what they term a "Mr. Strong" or "Code Gray" was called which means there is a violent patient that needs to be restrained.

The documents say I was angered after a group meeting, but actually it was when I tried to get extra fruit for my homeless room mate and a staff member started screaming at me.  The documents contain plenty of misinformation such as the implication that I used my room mate on his bed as a barricade in the room when truth be told, he was in the bathroom and I told him the staff was coming to restrain me, but he just went to his bed anyway which happened to be by the door.  The documents say I pushed the dresser toward the door, but I know I threw it.  That was also a lie.

The documents state I resisted the staff and fought them, but they do not mention I was tackled into a radiator, choked and punched or that I had to be carried from the room.  I was sedated three times by needle and placed in seven point restraints which have restraints at the ankle, thigh, chest and wrists.  Within twenty minutes of being restrained, I had severe orthostatic hypotension or low blood pressure.  I was given 2 liters of oxygen and a team led by a Doctor was called in to stabilize my vital signs.  I saw no mention of the term "code blue" but I know what I felt and I have seen what the documents omitted as well as perpetrated misinformation or distortion.  Nobody explained to me what happened to me then and I just remember waking up in the bed in the room I shared with the homeless guy unable to see, feeling like I would fall off the bed just by laying on it.

One other thing the documents got wrong was something I said when I had Covid Pneumonia.  I joked I was like an underwear model because I just sat around that way, every day.  They made it seem like I was delusional and believed I was actually an UNDERWEAR MODEL and must have repeated that false narrative over twenty times in the documents.  I know I am NOT an underwear model.  I just play one occasionally.

They say the TRUTH is a bitch, but at least I know most of the truth now.  The hardest part of coming home from mental illness is realizing you soon may have no home and must join the homeless.  And I came close to living that.  I was lucky there were people that actually came to my door and offered me free counseling and advice.  Over time I was able to rebound and rejoin the living as the undead.

Undead.  Undead.