"I have had an extremely difficult time contacting you SATAN." Groaned VLAD.
"Hell has been filling up beyond capacity due to the EPSTEIN virus. Rich and powerful people are dropping like flies and Hell must make room for all the evil miscreants and hobangers. We even set up a tent city with coffee and finger sandwiches to accommodate all the new damned movers and shaker types." SATAN whined as he rolled his demonic eyes.
"I am not satisfied with the sex doll you purchased for me though I do appreciate the gesture." VLAD pursued.
"Why so?" Asked SATAN.
"The sex doll is withholding favors and asking that I join ONLYFIENDS and buy it expensive JUMMYJOO shoes." VLAD explained.
"How can you tell? The doll cannot speak or move?" SATAN interrogated.
"I can see it in the sex doll's eyes. Hoboken Bambi does not love me anymore." VLAD opined.
"What can we do if Jersey will only fuck guttersnipes with 15 inch noodles?" SATAN wondered.
"I want revenge upon FETLIFE and COBALT for not procuring young oversexed hobags like billionaire Hebrews can." VLAD menaced.
SATAN complied as he stated that a huge bomb cunt whore STORM will bring anywhere from 0 to 12 inches of snow and ice to the tri-state Metro NY/NJ area this Sunday.
"Is that the best you can do SATAN?" VLAD questioned.
"Under the circumstances with the EPSTEIN virus running rampant, yes." SATAN concluded.
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