Morning Epiphany

I find these life revealing moments tend to come in the morning.  If you disregard or ignore the message you will forget the contents and forsake the wisdom imparted to you.  If you note the knowledge and make a record of it you have a chance to make yourself a better person.

So last night I had the first dream ever that I had sex in.  Usually when my dreams get close to sex I wake up.  But last night I had full on sex with three women for almost four hours in my dream.  It was exhausting and refreshing and a new dream first that I hope will continue.  That was not the epiphany however.

The epiphany centers around the need most have to be noticed by many and seek approval.  An internet blog is just a shut ins attempt at greater popularity.  For me it has not succeeded.  I have found many enemies, but few if any friends in the classic sense.  Real friends being hard to find.

You will have fair weather friends who are just along for the ride, others who have common interests and the rare friend or two that feels a real connection or love that is either platonic or other love.  And of course there are frenemies that just inhabit your universe to subvert your will and seek your misery.  

When you have many friends they will seek your time and attention and want to be with you either individually or part of a group.  You may spend much of your time either arranging your schedule to friend's requests or making plans so that your friend's needs do not conflict.  You will have friends that hate one another or find that you have brought people together that enjoy themselves better without you.  It is an exhausting project.

That is until you have a crisis in YOUR life.  The "fair weather" friends cannot be bothered with your life downturn.  Your regular friends want to help and will offer support, but they have lives and must move on.  Your good friends will support you until they reach the breaking point.  They are not going to drown in your crisis.  Eventually you will find yourself alone, perhaps supported by a family member or spouse or not.

It is at that moment you will realize you were always alone.  It was all an illusion.  The illusion of friendship or social popularity.

On this web Blog I realize that I once had presences on other web sites that offered me greater readership, but no real friends.  All that time I was writing to me for me.  Currently, I know my partner watches my Blog to see if my poetry is indicating I am having sex with someone else.  Another follower is a "ghost" from a torrid relationship in the past.  Sometimes she appears than disappears.  This has been going on for seven years or so.  And if anybody else is watching, I'll be damned if I know.

I am writing and watching.  I write for me and at times for the mysterious women in the shadows that come to this Blog.  I enjoy the music and I cherish my whims and personality quirks.  I have been arrogant, selfish, cruel, misguided, vain and ignorant in the past.  I have made mistakes.  But I still enjoy me and the journey of my life.  Hopefully I can appreciate the message I received this morning to better understand real love and friendship.

And if I cannot I still have three horny women down to fuck in my dreams.

Alas.