Body Temperature 98.3 / Pulse Oximeter 98

FUCK YOU COVID. I would like to personally thank the lovely female paramedics that came to me like 3 am in the morning and sat at the foot of my bed as well as the huge police officers who understandably said fuck no to entering my apartment and waited patiently while I refused to go to the hospital like a stubborn jack ass. I would like to thank the brilliant young female ER Doctor in my family who called me like 4 am in the morning and told me to prepare my funeral arrangements as I was going to die and I refused care and ignored advice for three more days before finally getting help. I would like to thank the beautiful succulant big ass nurse who showed respect to me and hatred for not being vaccinated as she put me in a green hospital gown and bent over as I shuddered waiting for DEATH who apparently was in the snack bar. I would like to show my humble gratitude and admiration for the the African American security guards shooting snot rockets in the parking lot and directing me politely and professionally in the freezing cold to wait to be processed while I griped about the shitty American Health Care System and praised Cuba's Socialist Single Payer Plan, acting like a complete asshole as I feared death and coughed up bloody sputum and the African American male person of color who wheeled me to radiology quickly and efficiently and took X rays that showed I had COVID Pneumonia. I would like to thank the young female Doctor in complete hazmat gear who advised me on a prognosis and treatment and allowed me to remove the saline drip in my arm so I could take a piss and blast a huge fart. I would like to thank the beautiful and intelligent female primary care Doctor who reiterated if I did not go to the hospital I would probably die and of course I ignored her and almost died. I would like to thank my Mother whose last words on her death bed were get the vaccine and who I also ignored to avoid a heated argument.

Fuck you COVID. Huzzah for heroic female and African American health professionals saving the day and my sorry ass.

This is for you and cookies should arrive tomorrow. I would also like to thank my Lesbian wife (shhhh!) who kicked my ass and forced me to get care instead of dying on the couch which was my backup plan. My wife got the vaccine twice and got tested negative four times while my stupid ass tested positive and I went through a fucking ordeal. Alas. House party all night long tonight yo. Really.