IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN

I turned to Satanism at age 13 post Bar Mitzvah being digusted with egg kugol and corruption as well as the futility of jacking off into tube socks and drilling holes with my dick into soap on a rope. I consulted both the Old And New Testament feeling extremely guilty masturbating to busty plus sized women in the SEARS lingerie section of the Sunday News. Reading the bible just made me more horny and I got a hard on at the slightest change of wind speed.

I got a mysterious phone call a week after I signed my name in blood in service to the DARK LORD. Someone called me on the weekend interrupting my viewing of the 50 Foot Woman on CHILLER THEATRE channel 11.

The caller said with goosebump inducing wicked intonation, "Is Dick Hertz there?" Then he hung up the phone leaving me perplexed and feeling bamboozled.

To this day I do not know who called me or who's Dick Hertz, but I think it was either Satan or a lesser demon jerking my chain.

Alas.